58.33 Ernie Disrespects Mother
Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:27 pm
“You got a minute, boss?” inquired Blazers manager Ernesto Zamora, as he stuck his head into the GM’s office.
“Sure, Ernie, what’s up?” answered Bob Breum.
“I’m looking at this All-Star voting, and it just doesn't make sense. I’m supposed to select the reserves, but this is weird.”
“What do you mean?”
“Let me give you an example. In the DH voting, Strolz got 28 out of 30 votes. He’s a monster. He’s hitting .382 and leading the league in all kinds of categories. There’s no one close to his production.”
“What’s the problem, then?” Breum wondered.
“The guy with the two votes? It’s that little roly-poly dude down in Phoenix. The only reason that he’s hitting above his weight is because he’s so short. Seriously, he’s got a .728 OPS. Strolz has a 1.083 OPS. No way I’m putting that Mother on our team. I’m not even sure he belongs in the big leagues, never mind on the f*cking All-Star team.”
Ernie continued, “And he’s not the only outlier from Phoenix. There’s a bunch of them. Plus, someone voted for Brisset in left field. A punch-and-judy hitter hitting .228.”
“Look, boss, I’ve never done this before. Maybe I’m making too big a deal out of this. But I know when I talk to the guys about the ballot, they get real serious. Some of them have contract riders that give them a bonus for making the team. It means a lot to them, even the old-timers who’ve been a bunch of times.”
“You know that baseball rule about ‘making a travesty of the game?’ I feel like this is kinda like that. I was raised to respect the game, and this is definitely disrespectful,” Ernie said.
Breum pondered for a moment. “I don’t disagree, Ernie. I’ll mention it to our owner, see if he wants to bring it to the other owners. Look, I know you’re going to do the right thing with the selection. Try to follow the voting as closely as possible, but make sure everyone is deserving. I don’t envy your job.”
Ernie replied, “I consider it a great honor and responsibility, boss. I don’t understand people who would feel otherwise. Thanks!”
“Sure, Ernie, what’s up?” answered Bob Breum.
“I’m looking at this All-Star voting, and it just doesn't make sense. I’m supposed to select the reserves, but this is weird.”
“What do you mean?”
“Let me give you an example. In the DH voting, Strolz got 28 out of 30 votes. He’s a monster. He’s hitting .382 and leading the league in all kinds of categories. There’s no one close to his production.”
“What’s the problem, then?” Breum wondered.
“The guy with the two votes? It’s that little roly-poly dude down in Phoenix. The only reason that he’s hitting above his weight is because he’s so short. Seriously, he’s got a .728 OPS. Strolz has a 1.083 OPS. No way I’m putting that Mother on our team. I’m not even sure he belongs in the big leagues, never mind on the f*cking All-Star team.”
Ernie continued, “And he’s not the only outlier from Phoenix. There’s a bunch of them. Plus, someone voted for Brisset in left field. A punch-and-judy hitter hitting .228.”
“Look, boss, I’ve never done this before. Maybe I’m making too big a deal out of this. But I know when I talk to the guys about the ballot, they get real serious. Some of them have contract riders that give them a bonus for making the team. It means a lot to them, even the old-timers who’ve been a bunch of times.”
“You know that baseball rule about ‘making a travesty of the game?’ I feel like this is kinda like that. I was raised to respect the game, and this is definitely disrespectful,” Ernie said.
Breum pondered for a moment. “I don’t disagree, Ernie. I’ll mention it to our owner, see if he wants to bring it to the other owners. Look, I know you’re going to do the right thing with the selection. Try to follow the voting as closely as possible, but make sure everyone is deserving. I don’t envy your job.”
Ernie replied, “I consider it a great honor and responsibility, boss. I don’t understand people who would feel otherwise. Thanks!”
