“We’ve experimented on our players for years, particularly with steroids and horse tranquilisers*, so we’re delighted to be the first to embrace the new radical conversion therapy that the BBA is endorsing – First Base Conversion”.
So speaketh executif coach Stan H. Stansman, mad scientist in chief, on his successful use of the newest coaching tool available to him.
Bastiao Fardos, a 32-year OF with decent defensive skills, is the lucky recipient, overnight transforming into a 32-year IF with decent defensive skills. The Venezuelan, picked up on a two-year deal, suddenly became the best defensive 1B in the organisation, which – as will be referenced later – is a bit like being a normal defensive 1B in a normal organisation.
What wasn’t expected was Fardos to convert into a much better hitter, having gone .327/.391/.554 this far to start the season an already generating 1.1 WAR, a fact that would have taken someone like Lance Nash (last year’s incumbent, 0.0 WAR) infinity years to generate, or Eric Wignes (last year’s other incumbent, -0.5 WAR) negative infinity years, which we all would accept is a long time.
All this is ironic timing, considering his platoon partner Tommy Cochran just hit his 300th career home run, despite, as embittered GM Dog Action said, “desperately needing turned into a first baseman himself”.
Bastiao Fardos, operating thetan, passable infielder
*RAMJACK Veterinary Solutions is delighted to provide all kinds of tranquilisers for all sorts of livestock, and also uppers, if you're into that kind of thing.
