Recently, the Blazers have been involved in what they call a trade, picking up Bret Powers, Thomas Turner and Bruce McKinley for a bunch of players including previous Team Captain Lance Harrison. Over the last few months, Montreal have built up a complex web of informers within the team dressing room designed to spit back critical chemistry-based information at crucial junctures like this. This meant:
This posed some complex questions for the Blazers management and RAMJACK-corporate-soldier Executif Coach Stan H Stansman. Most pertinently, which room was the overall feeling felt in, and is more than a few the equivalent of a bunch? A gaggle?Some players are upset that Lance Harrison has left the team, but the overall feeling in the room that is there are still more than a few capable captains to step in to fill the leadership that leaves with him.
To make matters worse, mere millseconds later, the teletype revealed that Ex-Vice-Now-Captain Eric Wignes was traded in the same deal, prompting further comments from the inside man:
That settles it – it must be a bunch.Some players are upset that Eric Wignes has left the team, but the overall feeling in the room that is there are still more than a few capable captains to step in to fill the leadership that leaves with him.
Nonetheless, RAMJACK doesn’t sit on it’s laurels, and GM Dog Action was tasked with signing a player to replace the void. Action googled ‘Captain’ on his shiny new Player Search 2.0*, and found himself a Jack Douglas. Douglas, a career .206 hitter with 300 ABs spread over four seasons, was last seen in the majors five years ago in Boise aged 27 (he’s 34 now); and hasn’t actually played any organised baseball in two years, having somehow been in the Baghdad and Twin Cities organisation but never mind any of that, the man is a leader. So speaketh the spy:
As Stansman remarked to Action, “the phrasing implies some sort of link between no complaints and singing praises, but it is difficult to parse what the link is”. Action grunted.There have certainly been no complaints in the clubhouse about a lack of leadership , but that’s not stopping the players from singing the praises of newly-acquired Jack Douglas. They appreciate someone of his leadership joining the ballclub.
Doug Watts, a bench coach of average reputation, had this to say:
“Does he mean he needs to hear more? Is this a French translation thing?”Jack Douglas runs the clubhouse. He’s a true captain for the team, and its certainly showing in how great the clubhouse is running. I can’t hear enough about how smoothly it’s going
Pressed further of the very nature of the team’s team chemistry, Watts said this:
What does that even mean? Is that good? Ecstatic chemistry sounds like the kind of thing that blew up the Heidenburg. Anyway, the Blazers organisation is now stuffed full of Captain personalities and all this is helpfully distracting from the fact that two one-thirds of the trade are currently sporting a 9.35 ERA and hitting .121 respectively.Team Chemistry is ecstatic
Jack Douglas, excellent Captain, terrible ballplayer
*Player Search 2.0, produced by RAMJACK Technology For Futures, bears no relation to Player Search 1.0, a product of the now disbanded RAMJACK Digital Monitoring team