“Harrison is a born leader”
So speaketh Stansman, Exécutif Coach of the Montreal Blazers, in his assessment of newest free agent pickup Lance Harrison. Harrison joins the impressively named Adalgiso Bosendorfer, alongside about a million minor leaguers as FA signings, and is targeted as the man to bring leadership to Montreal’s “treacherous” dressing room.
Harrison is no stranger to Montreal, have risen through the minors (throwing a perfect game on the way) into the BBA ten years ago and starting over 100 games for the Blazers before he was traded to Omaha. There he would win it all with the Cyclones before signing a long-term deal with Charlotte. After a year of frankly stellar performance, and then a year of bullpen work, SOMETHING HAPPENED, and Harrison found himself released. As we all might, he immediately relocated to Baghdad, got paid $6 million to be shellacked around Cairo, and now returns to Canada.
Harrison learned leadership. When doubters questioned Stansman on this, raising the fact that he has 9 losing seasons and only 1 winning season, that he has been absolutely hammered by mediocre hitters, that he potentially, err, isn’t any good, Stansman reached into his pocket, and pulled out Harrison’s championship ring. Raising it into the sky, the sunlight made it sparkle and all in the crowd knew that RAMJACK Consultative Consultants had pulled off a major coup in securing five seasons of championship-level leading.*
Lance Harrison, Personality Captain, Class of 2052
*RAMJACK Consultative Consultants want to stress to fans that the sheer number of team options does not indicate a lack of confidence in Harrison, and stress to shareholders that they can cut him pretty quickly when it inevitably goes bad.