Sticking Points 2054.4. Pikemendamus

[JimSlade]

Pikemen superfan Bert Westin believes he knows his Pikemen so well that he can predict the outcome of games. "I have to wonder why I keep watching," he told us in the hours leading up to the opening of the team's series against the Rocky Mountain Oysters. "It's as if I recorded the game and am watching it for a second time. Baseball's not really made for that kind of thing."

Westin claims his insights are superior to baseball's Pythagorean expectation. "Whatever it is that is telling me how things are about to unfold," he explained, "it's more than just the final score. I know when Cam Whitten is going to go deep. I know when Richard Bryant is going to have a meltdown inning."

Westin, a medical editor, has no special skills in analytics. "I love baseball, so I know the key metrics about my team's players and opposing team's stars, but this isn't about crunching numbers. I've been watching the Pikemen religiously, since I was 7 years old. By the time I was 12, I could see patterns emerge." He points to a 2035 game, in which he predicted second-year player Chip Puckett's first Brewster triple. "I mean, I was sitting there eating ice cream out of a helmet that I had begged my dad to buy me. Chip wasn't due to bat for another inning, unless we put up a crooked number, but I got a brain freeze and, suddenly, could clearly see the ball coming off his bat, slamming off the wall in right-center, then watching Puckett race around the bases. I'm getting a brain freeze again just thinking about it!"

We ordered a helmet of vanilla ice cream and asked Westin to predict key moments in the evening's upcoming series against the Oysters. Between bouts of brain freeze, here's what he saw.

"OK, Game 1. Let me get the big stuff out of the way for the inveterate gamblers: Rocky Mountain wins 7-4. Things will look promising for the Pikemen, at first, as bin Sahir throws 3 scoreless innings and back-to-back doubles by Tuncay and Guan get the Pikemen out to a 3-0 lead. The Oysters chip back in the 4th, thanks to a 2-run bomb by Cinema Jones. In the top of the 5th, bin Sahir gives up 5 consecutive singles, and Rocky Mountain takes a 4-3 lead. Rockville ties things up in the bottom of the 6th on a solo shot by Cam Whitten, then the game is turned over to the Pikemen bullpen. In the 7th, Mike Adams and Felipe Mendez combine to allow 7 baserunners and an additional 3 runs. The Pikemen's bats go silent, and Sergio Tormes throws a meaningless 1.1 scoreless innings."

Westin's predictions follow a similar script for the next 2 games, with the Pikemen losing Game 2 by a score of 9-6 and only coming out on top in a 12-10 barnburner in the final game in the series. "I wish I could get back to predicting more wins," he said, finishing off his ice cream, "but I can only see what is actually coming."

[Jwalk100]

The Great Carnak!

[GoldenOne]

I'm okay with this.