Buffalo Rag 1995.2

[cramsey51]

Injuries of all sorts and lengths have been rampant through the league. But no team has had to dealt with a fatality. That's right, the Buffalo Bison organization have suffered a tragic loss of one of the most important components within this team.

On a rare day off at home, 4/21/95 to be exact, the team was practicing when something happened. Manager José Sosa went to the executive offices within the ballpark to deliver the news to GM Chris Ramsey and Owner Walter Poteet. He walked in with a long face and says, "Gentleman, something terrible has happened. We've had a fatality out on the field."

"Are you sure? How can that be? Has anyone called EMTs?" Ramsey asks in a flurry.

Sosa responds, "Sir, everything has been done that could be, we are certain of that."

Poteet interrupts, "Well what he hell happened?"

Sosa explains, "The pitchers were meeting at the mound and going through mechanics with [Alberto] García. As usual, Longwell could care less about schedule and was late fo the meeting. So, he decided to take the bullpen cart out to the mound to try and save whatever face he has left. As he approached the mound, he didn't realize the bases were not in place and he rolled over where second base should be, causing the bullpen car to go into a wild series of events. The front left tire exploded and got caught on the base post, making the axle shear and sending the right front tire through the air and the bullpen car flipped end over end.

Everybody at the meeting on the mound scattered to save themselves from the debris. Only one could not move quick enough."

"Well who the fuck was it?" blasts out Poteet

"Bessy, our Bison mascot was not fast enough to move out of the way of the flying wheel. It had arched up, hit her and Bessy let out one loud yelp and fell down stone cold dead right where she'd stood. Tire and rim square in the noggin."

"Christ, this will not fare well with what little fanbase we have left. Is Longwell injured at all?" lamented Poteet

"I'm sure we couldn't be that lucky, but you can bet that the expense of this mess is coming out of his paycheck," adds Ramsey

"You are definitely correct with that one, sir," says Sosa.

"Well, whatever happened, we need to get another fuckin cow!" exclaimed Poteet

"Bison, Walter", corrected Ramsey

"Who gives a shit," returns Poteet, "Bison, buffalo, cow," he continued,"We need a fucking mascot and we need one quick. And there is NO WAY we can let this get out to the goddamn press!"

[recte44]

I like it!