2057-2 One stormy night

[Knucklehead254]

It was a stormy night in Vancouver, and the atmosphere at Aaron Wharram's favorite bar mirrored the gloom hanging over the Vancouver Mounties' GM. Three years of failed free agency attempts had left him in need of a drink, or maybe several.

The bartender, a veteran of Aaron's impromptu therapy sessions, slid a drink in front of him. "Rough day, Aaron?"

Aaron sighed, "You have no idea. Three years in a row, and I'm batting zero in free agency. It's like trying to hit a Phil Cole knuckleball in a hurricane."

"Who'd you fail to sign this time?"

Aaron took a big gulp, "That damn Marcello Custello, for nearly two months I tried to bring him in but I was never enough for him! Maybe I should've offered him a free Mounties parka.."

The bartender smirked, "Or maybe try sweetening the deal. Throw in some maple syrup. Everyone loves that stuff."

Aaron perked up at the suggestion. "Brilliant! Free maple syrup for life! That's the ticket. Who could resist that? It's practically liquid gold."

As Aaron's alcohol-fueled creativity flowed, he began scribbling on napkins, jotting down ideas like "Poutine Power Hour" and "Moose-Drawn Carriage Rides to the Stadium." The more he drank, the more outrageous his proposals became.

"I've got it! We'll have a 'Reliever Rally,' where fans dress up as their favorite reliever, and the best costume wins a lifetime supply of... you guessed it, maple syrup!" Aaron declared, raising his glass to his imaginary audience.

A group of patrons nearby, overhearing Aaron's drunken musings, couldn't help but chuckle. One suggested, "Maybe you should focus on getting better relievers first before planning costume contests."

Undeterred, Aaron continued his brainstorming. "And instead of the seventh-inning stretch, we'll have the 'Eh-ventful Inning,' where everyone yells 'Eh!' on every pitch. It'll be a Canadian tradition, something those damn American teams won't have!"

The bartender exchanged amused glances with the patrons. "Aaron, are you sure about this?"

But Aaron was on a roll. "And we'll have a team mascot, a friendly Sasquatch named Slider. Everybody loves Sasquatches, right?"

The bartender shook his head in disbelief. "Slider? Really?"

Aaron nodded emphatically. "Trust me. Sasquatches are the key to success. We'll have him dance on top of the dugout during the 'Eh-ventful inning. It's foolproof!"

As the night progressed even further and the drinks kept flowing, Aaron's ideas got even more outlandish. "What if we hired a mariachi band to follow our relievers around? Imagine the intimidation factor. The opposing batters won't know what hit them!"

Even when drunk, Aaron's frustrations about Nashville spilled out like a poorly executed pitch. "I don't get it. Nashville seems to attract free agents like a magnet, and what do they have? Hot chicken and a honky-tonk. Vancouver has mountains and the politest bears you'll ever meet."

Eventually the bartender, amused by Aaron's antics, decided to cut him off before things got too wild. "Alright, buddy, I think you've had enough. Time to call it a night."

[Dington]

Nice article, though I’m pretty sure we only signed Allende.

[Knucklehead254]

Nice article, though I’m pretty sure we only signed Allende.

Is it really a Vancouver article without making fun of Nashville tho

[trmmilwwi]

One for the road, eh?!

[BaseClogger]

All the polite Bears are in San Fernando.

[Trebro]

Great article!