Allegations include that part of the monetary surplus in the Stars' coffers may be coming from proceeds of various gambles taken by its GM. There has been documentation of failed bets including those involving Thomas Turner/Zenobius Kazantziakis in 2061 and to a lesser extent that of the Tim Bartlett extension in that same winter.
Recently it seems that the GM has fallen in love with the parlays within the gambling community and Greathouse stumbled upon an obscure yet lucrative parlay for which he went out on a limb.
The legs of the parlay included:
- Blair Peyton receiving a deal greater than $150M
- An IFA offer made that was greater than $15M
- Player hitting double digit home runs in Spring Training
- A former GM rejoining the league under an assumed name
- Over 50% of GMs approved signage saying Nuck Fashville
- Valencia has a batting average greater than the GM's weight
While the first five legs of the parlay have been met, the only one left to complete it is for Valencia to hit their GM's opening day weight in batting average. During the 5 year tenure since Greathouse has taken over, the team batting average has been .266 during the 2059 season, .264 in 2060, .248 in 2061, .229 in 2062 and .264 in 2063.
Standing at 6' 3" tall, Greathouse entered the off-season at 271, higher than any of the batting averages over the last five seasons. Prior to taking over, back issues and a subsequent 4 hour back surgery bumped his weight up to 240 and his pair of eye surgeries and laying around doing nothing but going over baseball stats (not very well mind you) put him over the 270 mark.
Then Greathouse had an idea. What if he loses weight over the off-season? After reading the fine print he saw that there were no stipulations preventing this loophole from being used.
After trying to bring in a high contact bat like Blair Peyton to no avail, the only course of action was to lose the tonnage. He started getting off of his butt, doing portion control and watching Valencia game film after every meal (to the letter of the definition that is not considered to be bulimic).
As of the day before opening day, the scale reads .233. Not a done deal by any stretch, but certainly a lot more attainable. While this is all good from a health perspective, sources close to the commission are questioning whether the GM is shaving pounds instead of points for gambling purposes and financial gain.
The amount to be gained if all the legs of the parlay were connected remain undisclosed.
When asked for comment, the commissioner's office, the governing board and members of the commission would not officially comment. When asked if this allegation/potential indictment could keep Greathouse out of the GM's section of the Hall of Fame, the person responded off the record saying "It's not like he would ever have a chance even if he were ever indicted. Valencia is no Nashville."
When asked for comment on the off the record quip for the commission spokesperson, that Greathouse had to say was "Nashville?!? Nuck Fashville" has he pointed to his new cap.
That by far was the easiest part of that parlay.
