Byline: Max Offen Sichtlich
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Perez, Pitching Coach, Fired
Nov 15, 2055
Well, you knew something had to be coming. After the debacle last year that saw the Berkeley Bears start the season without a pitcher on the roster, someone had to go. Not surprising, since the GM gets to make the decision, it’s the pitching coach who walks.
The team announced today that they were parting ways with Mauro Perez early, buying out the last two seasons of his contract, and installing Luis Enriquez.
“We’re sorry for all the churning that happened down there,” said Mad Pope GM Ron Collins. “Things were kind of wild and crazy when I first got here, and I’m sure mistakes were made. But we thank Mauro for his efforts to make this smooth out, and we’re sure he’ll find a great job out digging ditches or mucking farm stalls, or whatever he decides to do with his time.”
The Bears ended the season 24-44 after losing pretty much all of their first 20 games or so.
Enriquez is a bit of an enigma, At 39, this will be his first coaching job, and his total career seems to stem from a season in high school a couple decades ago. So he’s a bit of a blank slate. People who know him say he’s a good person, though, with rather conventional mindsets and the ability to manage a spreadsheet. All we know for sure is that he knows how to use a phone and tell the front office to send pitchers before opening day.
Or, at least, we can hope.