55.024 – Dixon Goes to the Rub

[RonCo]

Byline: Max Offen Sichtlich

Off Topic

Second Base Woes Drive Controversial Solution

July 21, 2055

Teammates of second baseman Dallas Dixon have been shying away from him for the past few days, due to the scent of Vuck’s Vapo-Rub wafting about whenever he appears.

“It brings tears, man,” said one unnamed member of the Mad Popes’ staff. “The bologna on the clubhouse buffet goes immediately rancid.”

The product, a family brand of the infamous Vukcevich family, has been pushed into stores near and far, drawing intense criticism from those who say the family is capitalizing on their great distribution channel at the cost of ripping the skin off unsuspecting users.

In this case, though, Dixon is unapologetic. “I don’t care if it flays my skin to the bone. I saw a report online that promised it would improve my vision, and with the July I’m having, I’ll try anything. So every day I take a big old dollop and coat up my chest and shoulders.” Dixon is having a July to bury in the backyard (.191/.247/.241). Proof positive that no matter how fast one is, you just can’t steal first base. While some are noting new GM Ron Collins is pulling his hair out trying to find offense, some are noting a lot of what he should be focusing on is already on the roster. It should be noted, of course, that the medical profession itself is not sold on Vuck's Vapo-Rub as a remedy for a lack of OBP. One could say the profession is fully in the camp of the anti-Vucksers.

Since using the rub, though, Dixon’s on a two-game hitting streak (albeit going only 2-10), so one can expect this little experiment will continue.

When asked if it’s heling his vision like the online report suggested it might, Dixon shakes his head. “I can’t say I notice a difference, yet, but it seems like the umpires and catchers are having a harder time making things out than they used to.”

Player Name	Age	B	T	OVR	POT	Con	Con P	Gap	Gap P	Pow	Pow P	Eye	Eye P	AvK	AvK P
Dallas Dixon	28	R	R	70	70	9	9	6	6	3	3	6	7	8	8
Source		Ht	Wt	SPD	STE	RUN	CAB	CAR	IFR	IFE	IFA	TDP	OFR	OFE	OFA
DR45.1		6'2"	200	10	11	11	1	1	7	11	5	10	5	7	4

[Jwalk100]

Proof positive that no matter how fast one is, you just can’t steal first base.

Unless you're in the Atlantic League of Professional Baseball.

https://www.baseballamerica.com/stories ... 22-season/