50.02 A German Obituary

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50.02 A German Obituary

Post by shoeless.db » Wed Mar 09, 2022 2:54 pm

(Translated from German)

*read first*

DR. FRITZENHAM KOCHERSCHMELTZ

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Dr. Fritzenham Kocherschmeltz entered the beloved eternal realm of his Creator on April 3, 2050, from an alleged natural gas explosion at his home in rural Siedenbrunzow, Germany. In lei of a funeral service and in accordance with Kocherschmelt'z last will and testimony, family and acquaintances are asked to light a red candle of memorial on April 27 at 11pm CET (Central European Time).

Born to Uwe and Ursula Kocherschmeltz on May 30, 1974, Fritzenham was a rambunctious youth whose early curiosity in the dissection of rodents and the occasional family pet led him down the path towards a heralded scientific career. Best known for his advancements in the Optical Aggregation Cryptography Amalgamation, Fritzenham's published articles ranged in topics from the mundane, "The Effects of the Spherically Incongruent Wormhole Hypothesis upon the Constituents of Upper Minnesotan Independent County Auditor Candidates", to the outright genius, "The Generality of Finite Interpersonal Nanotubular Religions Preceding the Advancement of Pahoehoe Anaphylaxis (and Its Tributaries)".

Kocherschmeltz is survived by his estranged daughter, Grünäugige Frau (location unknown) and one brother, Jürgen Kocherschmeltz (location unknown).

His only collected remains -- a left ankle bone and two fingers from his right hand -- will be cremated and spread along the Rhine River, per his wishes.
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