Donut Delivery Driver
Fireshoeless.com
Sadly, baseball games are not played on paper.
Shoeless has once again outdone himself in finding a way to derail any positivity from this battered fanbase. Noticing the team has lacked a true captain since its Cartwright Cup losing team in 2043, the imbecilic general manager signed third base journeyman and all-around great guy Theodosio Narciso to play the role of captain. The move will delay the arrival of top third base prospect Lawrence Roger, despite Roger's advancing age and solid offensive profile.
Per Shoeless at a press conference earlier today: "I see great things from this team. We have several leaders to demonstrate for the younger guys how to act and play like professionals, but I felt it was in our best interests to bring in someone to hold us all accountable. Even me. There's no better ballplayer in the BBA (editor's note: Shoeless should have included the phrase, 'who was available as a free agent and within our cap space,") than Narciso the Narc. They don't just give nicknames like that out. That guy ratted out his own mother for not paying for a fundraising candy bar to the PTA in second grade."
Sure, a captain can be a good idea, but The Narc hasn't produced a hint of positive WAR since his debut season in 2043 where he stormed into the league with a massive 0.1 WAR. Since that time, the hot-corner, short-side-platooner has amassed -2.8 WAR.
There you have it. All the promise sitting in that locker room and Shoeless outdoes himself by bringing in the one guy who will cause it to crumble to the ground. Great work, idiot!
Fire Shoeless.
