47.02 Clipping Hopes

[shoeless.db]

Bob Boberson
Preferred Barber of the FireShoeless Interns
fireshoeless.com

You know that iconic scene in the movie Braveheart? The one where King Longshank's heavy cavalry barrels down on the ragtag Scots led by William Wallace. Wallace had devised a plan utilizing sharpened poles to hold up against the undefeated heavy cavalry charge. He's yelling, "Hold! Hold!" The plan will only work if their entire line waits until the last possible moment to lift the poles and massacre the charge. Well, Shoeless is no William Wallace.

Shoeless completely mucked up this offseason by trying to wait on acquiring the services of infielder Wilson Andrade until his ask came down a bit. But, instead of landing the perennial all-star with the briefcase full of cash the Mad Popes have laying around, they lost out on the Andrade sweepstakes to burgeoning Pacific rival, Portland. The deal will pay Andrade $135m over six seasons, a figure the Popes could easily have managed.

Patrons to my shop had this to say:

"Who needs a guy like that when we can just do absolutely nothing and continue to be absolutely mediocre?"

"I haven't been to a game since that idiot took over."

"My daughter saw the news on television and started to cry. Thanks, Shoeless."

"I'm sure Shoeless has a plan to bring back Fernando Cruz for $20m a year. That would be par for the course with that moron."

Another year, more disappointment. I'd like to use my straight edge on Shoeless, just one time.

Fire Shoeless!

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[CTBrewCrew]

Appointments necessary? Shave and a haircut two bits still?