Wallace Jinglecheeks
Evening Opinion Editor
fireshoeless.com
It appears GM Shoeless was able to remove his worthless hands from underneath his lazy ass this week as the Mad Popes finalized free agent contracts with a trio of BBA vetarans. The deals, which are pending physicals to be performed within the mysterious medical lab underneath the centerfield grass at The Basilica at Muskrat Slough, will bring seven-time all-star David 'The Kid' Noboru, first baseman Alejandro Ortiz, and journeyman outfielder Pepe Rocha to Sacramento.
"We needed some punch in our lineup," Shoeless said at a press conference to announce the deals. "Being able to plug Noboru and Ortiz into the lineup will provide just that."
Noboru, who will start the season as the Popes' regular third baseman, is a 16-year BBA veteran, spending much of his career in Jacksonville and the last three and half seasons with Pacific-rival Vancouver. The three year contract for Noboru is heavy with options. He'll be paid $10.3m next season, followed by a player opt-out. If Noboru opts in, the Popes have two additional seasons of team options which will pay him $10.3m per season. The money for next season is well spent (I had to write that begrudgingly), as Noboru fills a need both in the field, at the plate, and in the clubhouse for the Popes.
"You're not going to find better leadership than Noboru," said Shoeless. "He's just a class act on and off the field. It will be nice to have him in our dugout rather than across the diamond."
Also a former Mountee, Alejandro Ortiz will be given the nod to man the DH spot against RHP this coming season. His smooth swing from the left side of the plate, while providing adequate but not devastating power, will be looked upon to give the Popes solid at bats out of the three-hole in the lineup. Over six BBA seasons, Ortiz sports a slash-line of .309/.364/.523. His five year deal [14.5/13.5/11.5(po)/11.5(to)/12.5(to)] is structured to provide financial flexibility down the road for the Popes.
Pepe Rocha was given a one-year show-me contract for $1.39m. The right hand hitting Rocha will provide a reasonable short-side platoon option in the outfield for the Popes. The Popes hope the 29-year-old Rocha will continue his string of positive WAR seasons in 2046.
Despite this flurry of activity from the big-wig offices at the Basilica, we here at fireshoeless.com can't help but wonder if Shoeless is simply throwing darts while blindfolded again. The team still has many holes which were not addressed and now have butted themselves up against the cap. Another lackluster season of Shoeless baseball is on the way.
Fire Shoeless.
46.01 Throwing the Dice
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46.01 Throwing the Dice
Sacramento Mad Popes (unretired)
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-- Vic Caleca Team News Award Winner 2052
-- BBA Champion 2053
-- Pacific Champs 2040, 2042, 2043, 2047, 2048, 2049, 2051, 2053, 2054
Life is a bit more beautiful when time is measured by the half inning rather than the half hour.
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