45.09 Mendoza Signed Because Shoeless is an Idiot

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Yesterday Martinez
Interim Weekend Editor
fireshoeless.com

Holy burnt raisin bread! Shoeless has absolutely jumped the shark in his quest to become the Brewster's all-time worst general manager. After last year's debacle of a season where we were forced to watch the complete destruction of a formidable dynasty, the 2045 Mad Pope campaign has succeeded in causing even more gut-slicing pain to long time California fans. With roughly 2/3 of the season played, the Popes sit in an embarrassing fifth place in the fermenting chicken dropping of a Pacific Division with a record of 52-62.

The only bright spot of this tight-white-turd-stained-underwear-of-a-season was the play of David Simspon, but Shoeless couldn't stand having anyone on the roster who could possibly finish in the top five in any semblance of a power counting stat category so Simpson was unceremoniously shipped to the Twinapolis Metropolitan Flowing Sewage Monsters in exchange for several salt-covered salamanders and three marshmallows stuck to the bottom of the lesser smelly sandle worn by some poor Minnesota teenager's drunk uncle, which the uncle has worn every day since the mid 1990s. Word from inside Mad Popes headquarters was Shoeless felt an immense pride for such a magnificent haul.

Although, not to be undone by his own ineptitude, Shoeless traded for Yellow Springs castoff Ricardo Mendoza who was traded to Charlotte just weeks before. Nobody wanted him but Shoeless, I guess, and Shoeless topped off his stupidity by signing Mendoza to a six year $90 million contract, which pays Mendoza as follows: $30m/$20m/$10m/$10m/$10m/ Opt-out, $10m (to). To be fair to Mendoza, he is hitting almost .260 this season so that does put him as one of Sacramento's best hitters.

Fire Shoeless.