Rolio Elder | Apprentice to the Exalted Mystic | Donkeagle Press
In typical Shoeless fashion, the erratic Sacramento general manager stumbled over himself to make a series of rash decisions this week. Sources close to the organization confirm Shoeless signed off on the outright release of 21 International Complex prospects during a midnight purge. Sacramento's International Complex, which is headquartered at the International Peace Gardens located on the border of North Dakota and Manitoba, has just 11 ballplayers left under contract.
"Shoeless only wants what's best for the kids he let go," Assistant general manager Javier Valentin said. "He even had me stop down at Sacramento City College ... Go Panthers! ... where I picked up brochures and applications for all 21 of them."
Unfortunately, Valentin's comments contradict several emails uncovered by our top unpaid intern, Wasim Jaffar Jr., between the team's top brass and a consulting firm by the name of Persephone Institute of Baseball Studies (PIBS). The emails detail the use of invasive medical procedures, psychedelics, and intense psychological tests to cull the organization of undesirable ballplayers.When confronted with an email Valentin wrote in reply to a test result from the consulting firm, Valentine deflected the question. "I'm just the Assistant General Manager. I was the night shift manager at Taco Bell before this job. You'll need to talk to Shoeless about any emails. But, listen, the guys we let go were trash. Anyone with any sort of baseball acumen could see that."
At the time of this writing, Jaffar Jr. has been unable to track down any information on PIBS or its management.
