44.05 Popes Convert Pagan

[shoeless.db]

January 1, 2044

Rolio Elder
Apprentice to the Exalted Mystic
Camacho Order #26

In a laughable attempt to remain relevant, the Sacramento Mad Popes, led by the diminished soul of GM Shoeless, acquired the services of free agent left fielder 'Waco' Pagan last month. The six-year deal will pay the power-hitting Pagan $23 million in 2044 and 2045 and $11 million in 2046 and 2047. After the 2047 season, Pagan has a player opt-out. If he decides to stay, Sacramento carries team options in 2048 and 2049 at $11 million and $20 million, respectively.

"The earth revolts," said Exalted Mystic, Ralph Dewaldo. "May the Donkeagles soar from their ethereal plane and shred their talons through Shoeless' webbed heart."

Finances for the deal became available when long-time ace, 'Bumblebee' Ramos, and his $20 million contract over the next two seasons were traded to the Starch Monsters of Boise for basically nothing.

"The rivers boil," continued Dewaldo. "All but the frogs will perish, as it was written in the beginning."

Sources from within the Mad Popes' organization are ecstatic with the acquisition of Pagan. Despite the team's recent history of winning games through the blasphemous The Right Wind^TM philosophy of constant pressure, accomplished through elite level defense, contact hitting, and base stealing, top brass felt the addition of a power bat to hit behind the horrible David Simpson was prudent for future success.

"Praise be to Camacho," Dewaldo sang. "Praise be to the Donkeagles."

[HoosierVic]

My takeaway: you’ll have the league’s first all-frog infield. And outfield. And pitching staff.

Ribbit.

[RonCo]

Don't hop to conclusions.