42.34 Slippery Slope of Pig Poop

[shoeless.db]

Excuses are Lies

August 4, 2042: Sacramento -- At some point, one would think an organization so gifted at losing big baseball games would become less sour after a defeat. Unfortunately, the Yellow Springs Nine once again dipped into their bag of excuses today, blaming the recent injury to Nine pitcher Tomas Ramirez on the grounds crew at South Pacific Field.

"I don't know what to say anymore," said an incredulous Shoeless via telephone call. "I mean, sure, blame our grounds crew over an injury and just gloss over the fact their team trainer, Julian Carmona, was spotted during the game played here on August 1st, playing a game of his own -- a round of putt-putt golf with a trio of escorts he flew in from Long Beach."

This recent war of words comes after a recent spat between british pop-icon Mikki Manning, wife of YS9 first baseman Lucas McNeill, and GM Shoeless over Manning's disgusting attack on Lawrence Welk and polka music.

"As for the injury, why would we want to hurt Ramirez? My best guess is Ramirez probably had some residue pig shit on one of his cleats," Shoeless continued. "I mean, the whole city of Yellow Springs still smells like hog dropping. It's very likely Ramirez stepped in a pile of the crap on his way to the airport. Hell, at least, that would partly explain why the visiting dugout needs to be bleached after every Yellow Springs visit. Seriously, the last time we had to clean this much at our stadium was when Mikki Manning had her shirt potatoes redone by Kocherschmeltz. Oh, that stench wafted through this area of the city for weeks. The smell got in your clothes, your hair. I shutter just thinking about it. But, it didn't surprise anyone that she was just rotten to the core."