Crusader Columnist
FireShoeless.com
Newspaper Taxis
"Picture yourself in a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies. Somebody calls you. You answer quite slowly. The girl with kaleidoscope eyes..."
Lucy? Is that you? I'm trippin', man! We're all trippin' balls! We must be. What other conclusion could be drawn when one looks at the astronomical number of 16-year-old Australians pouncing around like invasive kangaroos in California's lower minors? At last count, there were 24 of these down-under brats split between Single-A Philipsburg (10) and Rookie League Berkeley (14).
So, what Shoeless is telling us is, adolescent Australians are better ballplayers than tried and true American and Latin American boys. How dare he? How dare he? Let's take a look at how the idiot defended the new ballplayers to a gathering of reporters outside South Pacific Field:
"Look, we know this is a little unorthodox, but, honestly, none of these guys profile to be much more than career minor leaguers to begin with. The reason behind the influx of young guys from down-under was to simply raise the floor for what it takes to be in the California Crusader organization. Frankly, I was tired of watching guys who should be playing slow-pitch, church-league softball running around our minor league baseball parks."
With so many of these young Aussies being a bit underdeveloped for their current level of play, many, including us at FireShoeless.com, are more than a bit concerned over the quality of play and development from within Philipsburg and Berkeley. But, of course, Shoeless tried to fend off this concern in very Shoeless fashion.
"Most of these new young guys are either bullpen arms or backups at this point. They are not your everyday type guys. I think everyone needs to take a chill-pill on this one," said Shoeless.
A chill-pill? Why the hell not? We're already trippin' on the activities of this incompetent front office.
Hey, look. Newspaper taxis are appearing on the shore, waiting to take us away...
