[Wasim Jaffer Jr. heats up the studio audience with his saxophone as the Crusaderettes perform a choreographed routine. Host Sai Ahuji walks out from behind a curtain. The audience goes nuts.]
SAI -- All right! Thank you. Thank you. Settle down now, and welcome, Crusader Fans, to Triple P! [crowd goes nuts again] I'm your host Sai "Young" Ahuji, and with me, as always, is the last clown out of every clown car, Aarav "the Mad Pope of Mumbai" Patil. [A chant of "Pope, Pope, Pope" breaks out in the crowd]
AARAV -- What does that even mean?
SAI -- Anyway, we have a fantastic show for you tonight. You'll never guess who we have as a guest tonight.
AARAV -- Oh? Did we land the bullpen catcher from our rookie league team?
SAI -- Oh, no, no, no, Mr. Negativity. None other than California Crusader Assistant General Manager Anton Vogts is here.
AARAV -- Vogts? You got Vogts?
SAI -- Hell, yeah. He actually requested to be on the show with us.
AARAV -- Requested? Something's up. I don't like it.
SAI -- Whatever ... [points out to the audience] You guys ready for Anton Vogts? [crowd goes nuts] Well, let's not keep you waiting any longer. Everyone, Anton Vogts! [gestures to the curtain as the crowd is in full frenzy]
SAI -- Welcome. Welcome. So great to have you on the show, Mr. Vogts. Please, have a seat.
VOGTS -- Danke.
SAI -- I hope you speak some English or this is going to be a rotten interview. [Looks out to the audience expecting laughter. Instead, the crowd is quiet, staring blank faced at Vogts]
VOGTS -- Ha. Is a joke. I'll speak English. [He smiles out to the crowd, but the studio audience remains silent except for one frightened laugh from a middle aged man in the front row]
SAI -- Ah, I've heard ... stories about your humor. Ha ... ha. It's legendary, I guess.
VOGTS -- Yes. My family is very funny people.
SAI -- No doubt. So, Vogts, you stated on the phone to our top unpaid intern, Wasim Jaffer Jr., that you had a very special announcement you wanted to share with all of Crusader nation.
VOGTS -- Yes. [looks over at Wasim. Wasim immediately looks away and begins fidgeting with the mouthpiece of his saxophone] Yes, very nice of intern to provide me with this platform.
SAI -- Well, the show is yours. Go ahead.
VOGTS -- It is with great sadness I bring you this news. General Manager Shoeless underwent a routine medical procedure with highly respected doctor this past week and will be unable to perform his general manager duties for the foreseeable future.
SAI -- What? What are you saying?
VOGTS -- Dr. Kocherschmeltz's head nurse stated Shoeless is recovering well from the procedure but will need much time to recover.
SAI -- What kind of procedure? He didn't seem sick. Well ... physically anyway ... mentally he was all over the place, but ...
VOGTS -- Doctor-patient confidentiality. In the meantime, I, Anton Vogts, will assume all duties as general manager of the California Crusaders. Thank you. [walks off stage]
SAI -- Vogts! Wait! I have questions!
AARAV -- He's gone, man. I told you something's up. That dude is creepy as [beep].
SAI -- No, [beep]!
AARAV -- Wasim, you have eyes and ears everywhere at the Crusader head offices. What do you know?
WASIM -- [looks down, mumbling something]
SAI -- What the [beep] is going on? We're 5 1/2 games behind Vancouver for the Pacific crown with a month to play. We're in a good spot for a wildcard birth, but our GM just mysteriously has a procedure and is gone?
AARAV -- Wasim! Say something!
WASIM -- [breathing heavy, sweat dripping down his face] No. No. I can't.
AARAV -- Can't what? Can't what?
WASIM -- The green-eyed ...
[video cuts out]
