41.04 Wasim's Weekly; The Lab
Posted: Wed Dec 18, 2019 2:14 pm
Idiot, Crap-for-Brains Ballplayers Sent to Secret Lab
for Mental Adjustments
Tuesday, January 1, 2041 -- When the baseball gods, from their perch on the tattered roof of the groundskeeper's shack, sent lightning into the right arm of Dani García and body of Jorge Lugo, the gods completely neglected contributing to the ballplayers' cognitive abilities.
As such, after failing California's proprietary work ethic and intelligence test, Way of the Crusader's Mind™, García and Lugo, under the direction of Assistant General Manager Anton Vogts, were immediately blindfolded, shuffled into an unmarked white van, and driven to the laboratory of Dr. Fritzenham Kocherschmeltz, located upstairs from a New York-style bagel storefront in Old Sacramento.
Upon arrival, the two ballplayers were restrained to rusting barber chairs in an otherwise empty exam room. They were forced to drink a straw-colored, sludge-like elixir by a young-looking woman with bronze features and deep, emerald eyes. The woman gave no trace of emotion as her eyes darted from one to the other as the two men slowly downed the liquid. When the last of the drinks were gone, she turned, opened the door to the small room, and said, "It is done, Dr. Kocherschmeltz. Scrub up!"
The two ballplayers looked at one another in fear, but the contents of the elixir was already melting into their nervous systems. Both men slumped into their chairs, unconscious.
They awoke several hours later in a yellow cab outside of South Pacific Field and were escorted into a conference room outside the main clubhouse.
The Way of the Crusader's Mind™ was re-administered by Assistant General Manager Vogts. Upon calculating the scores and seeing improvement in both players, Vogts stuffed a wad of cash into a manila envelope and tossed it to the green-eyed woman now standing in the conference room doorway. She smirked at the two ballplayers, turned, and walked away.
The ballplayers, in silent unison, brought trembling hands up to behind their left ears and nervously felt at an incision and tiny cylindrical-shaped lump implanted beneath their skin.
for Mental Adjustments
Tuesday, January 1, 2041 -- When the baseball gods, from their perch on the tattered roof of the groundskeeper's shack, sent lightning into the right arm of Dani García and body of Jorge Lugo, the gods completely neglected contributing to the ballplayers' cognitive abilities.
As such, after failing California's proprietary work ethic and intelligence test, Way of the Crusader's Mind™, García and Lugo, under the direction of Assistant General Manager Anton Vogts, were immediately blindfolded, shuffled into an unmarked white van, and driven to the laboratory of Dr. Fritzenham Kocherschmeltz, located upstairs from a New York-style bagel storefront in Old Sacramento.
Upon arrival, the two ballplayers were restrained to rusting barber chairs in an otherwise empty exam room. They were forced to drink a straw-colored, sludge-like elixir by a young-looking woman with bronze features and deep, emerald eyes. The woman gave no trace of emotion as her eyes darted from one to the other as the two men slowly downed the liquid. When the last of the drinks were gone, she turned, opened the door to the small room, and said, "It is done, Dr. Kocherschmeltz. Scrub up!"
The two ballplayers looked at one another in fear, but the contents of the elixir was already melting into their nervous systems. Both men slumped into their chairs, unconscious.
They awoke several hours later in a yellow cab outside of South Pacific Field and were escorted into a conference room outside the main clubhouse.
The Way of the Crusader's Mind™ was re-administered by Assistant General Manager Vogts. Upon calculating the scores and seeing improvement in both players, Vogts stuffed a wad of cash into a manila envelope and tossed it to the green-eyed woman now standing in the conference room doorway. She smirked at the two ballplayers, turned, and walked away.
The ballplayers, in silent unison, brought trembling hands up to behind their left ears and nervously felt at an incision and tiny cylindrical-shaped lump implanted beneath their skin.