with Sai and Aarav
AARAV -- Welcome to Triple P. I'm your host, Aarav Patil. Sai Ahuji could not be with us tonight.
WASIM -- ***cough***
AARAV -- Oh, sorry. Whatever. Wasim Jeffers Jr. is here, too.
WASIM -- Thanks, Aarav. It's a pleasure to be --
AARAV -- Stop. It's my show. Just don't talk, ok?
WASIM -- Ok ... I guess.
AARAV -- Tonight's top story: Due to some impeccable reporting on my part, I'm able to let you in on some breaking news out of Crusader-Land. The California organization, led by the man-idiot, GM Shoeless, hired the Crusader's all-time single-season saves record-holder, Skip "Crunchy" Glendenning as the new pitching coach for AAA Clash City.
Skip Glendenning
WASIM -- Impeccable reporting? We all read it on the Tweeter and the Book of Faces and the Dit of Red.
AARAV -- Is this what you're going to do -- steal my moment? I sat next to that imbecile, Sai, for years, waiting for my chance to run this damn show, and, during my first real go at it, you think you need to run that stupid yapper of yours. You're an intern, Wasim. You're a nothing! Just sit there quietly and look like the complete failure you are.
WASIM -- Failure? Failure? Are you effing kidding me right now? This is just my damn side gig. It's a hobby for me. In my real work-life, I'm the top plastic surgeon in the entire Sacramento metropolitan area. I touched more breasts before lunch today than you have your entire worthless life. Failure? You're the damn failure.
AARAV -- Wait. You're the guy behind Plastic Fantastic? Didn't you just do some work on the new GM in Las Vegas? What did he have done anyway?
WASIM -- I can't divulge. That's a HIPAA violoation, but let's just say he'll finally fit into the Showgirl costume he's had hiding in his closet for some time now.
AARAV -- Fascinating.
WASIM -- Should we maybe get back to the Crunchy hiring?
AARAV -- Yeah, sure. Glendenning spent the majority of his career as a closer in Valencia, but ultimately ended up in the California organization after GM Shoeless reached out to Valencia brass to assure no hard feelings.
WASIM -- He did? He really asked them?
AARAV -- I guess. Well, let's hope ole' Crunchy can teach our guys down in Clash City some secrets. Thanks for joining us today. This has been Triple P with Aarav. Stay classy, Sacramento.
