with Sai and Aarav
SAI -- Welcome to our brand new show we're calling, Playing Pepper with Sai and Aarav. I'm your handsome host Sai "Young" Ahuji and with me, as always, is my best friend and worst enemy, Aarav "the Mad Pope of Mumbai" Patil.
AARAV -- Wait. We're friends?
SAI -- And enemies. We dumped our old format in an effort to bring you all things Crusader-Baseball in a concise and entertaining manner. We hope to provide an experience just like you'd get by searching Aarav's browser history -- enlightening, shocking, and with just enough debauchery to make you question your humanity.
AARAV -- Hey, I like what I like.
SAI -- Let's jump right into our new segments:
HOW'S THE POPE'S CRUSADE GOING?
After a dismal seven game losing streak, the Crusaders rebounded nicely at home with a 5-2 week, taking three of four from a pesky Madison club and two of three from some spoiled potatoes out of Boise. Despite the positive week, California (40-37) continues to find itself in fifth place in an extremely competitive Frick League Pacific race, landing only 2.5 games back from first place San Fernando and Valencia.
SWORDSMAN OF CHAOS
Coming back from a sprained hamstring that put him out for six weeks, catcher Chip Sanders brought life back to a deteriorating Crusader lineup. Since his return on June 10, the defense-first Sanders slashed .300/.462/.867. For those of you without an abacus at home, that's an OPS of 1.328. Only rookie sensation, David Simpson had a hotter June, putting up an incredible 1.347 OPS for the month, including eight long balls.
SLINGER OF DESTRUCTION
Over his last six starts, Luis Gracia averaged over 7 1/3 innings per start while putting up an ERA of 1.59, dropping his ERA for the 2039 campaign to 3.67. The wily veteran improved his record to 5-4 and only looks to be catching his stride on the year.
MUSTACHE SPOTLIGHT
We're not sure if RP Edwin Stubbs is just trying to look unhappy all the time or if he lost some kind of bet, but we're pretty sure this guy found a hidden alcove of hot, little Susans who prefer a man with the facial hair resembling two sloths kissing.
Edwin Stubbs
RIVALRY REPORT
Despite reports of a snake mysteriously finding its way into the Sacramento hotel room of Boise catcher, Allan MacHugh, eye-witness testimony contradicts the official report. Victoria Ten-Cents, an escort with Discount Escort Services and Dry Cleaning of Central California, stated MacHugh requested the snake be part of an elaborate sex act including Ten-Cents, one Carnival ride operator, two female dwarf mud wrestlers, and three 2-liter bottles of warm RC Cola.
Victoria Ten-Cents
AARAV -- Oh, yes. There's nothing better than some warm RC Cola. Just pour it all over my ...
SAI -- And, I think it's time to get out of this episode. See you at the ballpark, Crusader fans!
