A Breakdown of the Week's Campaign (blatantly stealing Joe/Boise's format, just like I said I would if Joe failed to innovate due to obvious laziness)
WEEK IN REVIEW (0-7): California blew donkey balls this week, dropping a four game series to the River Monsters and a three game set to some underachieving Canadian rabbits. California, who now sit straddled atop a rickety old fence with 35 wins and 35 losses, were outscored 37-14 in the two series. With the horrendous week, the beaten and bloodied Crusaders drop to fifth in the still up-for-grabs Frick League Pacific.
QUESTION OF THE WEEK: Will the mad Pope call off the crusader this year and retool for years to come?
SHIELD WITH INFIDEL GUTS SPLATTERED OVER ITS PAINTED RED CROSS EMOJI SUMMARY OF THE WEEK: (I don't know how to place a dumpster fire emoji here)
SWORDSMAN OF CHAOS: Crusader newcomer, David Simpson, is the only hitter currently showing up to play every day. Over the last 20 games, Simpson is hitting .390 with eight long balls. I'd like to personally thank Nashville for sending Simpson to California in 2037 when he was a lowly A player.
SLINGER OF DESTRUCTION: When Luis Gracia struggled out of the gates in 2039, GM Shoeless felt like he was the largest idiot in a big pool of other idiots after extending the longtime Crusader southpaw to a four year deal this past April. But, Gracia has settled back into his former self quite nicely, posting a 2-0 record over his last four starts where he's pitched 30 1/3 innings with a 1.78 ERA. He's back, thank the Pope's God.
MUSTACHE SPOTLIGHT: Marco "Big Cheese" Vitalle either needs to shave off his pathetic attempt at manliness or work on finishing off the second half of his puberty.
"Big Cheese"
GAME OF THE WEEK: The game igniting this free-fall debacle came on the outset of the Twin Cities series. For a lineup built to take walks and hit homers over the right field fence, the Crusaders managed to send 35 men to the plate without receiving one free pass. Thankfully, David Simpson was able to launch a mammoth shot in the eighth to stifle a deserved shutout, losing 12-1. California did manage 10 hits but were unable to string two of them together.
NEWS AND NOTES: GM Shoeless posted a trade block in the BBA forums. It looks like he's ready to start having fun managing the Crusaders rather than just living in someone else's house and sleeping in someone else's bed ... Claudio Defazio is making 11 million dollars this year while slashing .154/.285/.325 in a little over 200 plate appearances, and he's yet to send out a public apology, good luck receiving your 1.5M bonus for earning a Sawyer Silk Silver Slugger award ... The Crusaders called up a guy with the last name, Kobayashi, and he's playing like he's eaten 72 hot dogs (.218/.313/.448)
NEW RECRUITS FOR THE CAMPAIGN (the Minor League report): AAA shortstop prospect, Daryl Pris, had one hit for the Granville League All-Stars in their loss to the Roundfield League All-Stars ... After valiantly filling in for injury for the Crusaders, Neil Bruce continues to hit for AAA Clash City. He hit .333 for the Crusaders in 40 plate appearances and is currently hitting .318 for the Rockers.
(just pretend there's a bunch of fancy tables in this spot like Joe has in his team news)
