Cali Decree 2039.4: Da Da Da Da Da Da

[shoeless.db]

SAI -- Welcome, Crusader-Nation, to the Cali Decree. I'm your host, Sai "Young" Ahuji, and with me, as always, is Aarav "The Mad Pope of Mumbai" Patil.

AARAV -- Have you seen that shark movie?

SAI -- Um, we're trying to do a television program here, Aarav.

AARAV -- No, no, I know. It's part of the script I wrote. [hands Sai a couple papers] Here's your copy.

SAI -- I already have the correct scri ...

AARAV -- Mine's better. I'll start again. [clears throat] Have you seen that shark movie?

SAI -- [shakes head while reading from Aarav's script] Jaws?

AARAV -- Yeah, that's the one. This season kind of reminds me of that.

SAI -- Why, because the other GMs are smelling blood in the water?

AARAV -- No, because I had a little drink of the Shoeless kool-ade about an hour ago, and it went right to HIS head. I'm tired of losing and I want to go to bed. [walks off set]

SAI -- Hmm, maybe him leaving is for the best. Anyway, in today's actual top story, the Crusaders dropped their opening five games under new General Manager Shoeless, which includes an embarrassing sweep by the Hawaii Tropics. The normally reliable starters for the Crusaders flipped up a 7.57 ERA over 27.1 innings the first five games, all in losing efforts. Our offense is just not strong enough to withstand such awful pitching. On a positive note, rookie outfielder, David Simpson, mashed two monster dongs and is hitting a promising .318. For more on the Crusaders, top unpaid intern, Wasim Jeffers Jr., is standing by with GM Shoeless. Wasim?

WASIM -- Welcome to the California Raisin General Manager Interview, I'm your host of the California Raisin General Manager Interview, Wasim Jeffers Jr.. Shoeless, what do you think went wrong?

SHOELESS -- Get out of my damn office! I never said you could be in here. Did you break into my office last night and wait for me? It's six in the damn morning. Security!

WASIM -- [running from office] This has been the California Raisin General Manager Interview with Wasim Jeffers Jr.

SAI -- Did you find a sponsor?

WASIM -- [heavy breathing from running] A man's got to eat, Sai.

SAI -- Well, this has been an awful episode of the Cali Decree, just like the awful start to the season for the Crusaders. I'm ... just run the credits.

[HoosierVic]

Wasim is the “California Raisin” man!

[nerfHerder]

Nice. Have no fear, you'll get me back.