Crusaders News! 2035.29 - I'm Running Out of Superlatives!

[Ted]

We're So Good!
May 26, 2035
Offen Sichtlich der Kunstgriff

Ho hum. We swept the champs, then took two of three from the second best (non Crusader!) team in the Frick. Then we took two of three from the best team in the Frick (Yellow Springs, also our second series win versus the "mighty" Nine). And now we're one game from a sweep of the team with the 5th best record in our league! It's ... it's ... I don't have words. I also don't want to get cocky. Mama isn't right about a lot (I am beginning to discover) but she is right when she tells Offie not to get a big head. No one likes a braggart.

But it's so haaaaarrrd! We conquered our April demons, and we're even better in May! Crusaders fans! This is unprecedented! Really! I mean it! I know you are all used to the fact that Offie can be prone to hyperbole. (Hmm, does that make me hyperbolic? Can you use it that way? Do I want to be "a symmetrical open curve formed by the intersection of a circular cone with a plane at a smaller angle with its axis than the side of the cone." I looked that up. I mean, why did they make us learn this stuff in high school? What was the point? Who remembers any of it? Sometimes I think the things we learned in school were just the things people used to know, so they taught them because they didn't have other things to teach. We know so much more now! Like, if anyone had taught Offie about how people act the way they do because of the things that have happened to them. Or how people that seem mean or weird are often just sad or uncomfortable. Or about how abrasively confronting people on their core beliefs actually invokes chemical changes in their brain identical to a fight or flight response, making it impossible to actually consider those beliefs. THAT would have been good. Or they could have taught about probability, so I .. I mean .. um .. people wouldn't waste so much money on the lottery. Or compound interest. Or ... Well, you get the point. Any of that would have been more useful than knowing how to graph a parabola. Or hyperbola. Or whatever.)

Okay! So I should strive to be less hyperbolic, because high school algebra was a waste of time! Well ... maybe not a waste ... I mean .. some people are going to have careers where it matters I guess? Maybe? I'll look into this ..

Umm. What were we talking about? Oh yeah. Our Crusaders are amazing! We're on pace for 100 wins. Do you know how many times that has happened in Crusaders history? None! None times! Not once in 60+ years! And this last week we just powered through some really good teams on our way there. Lots of good performances to go around, but it's worth mentioning that after a bad April, last year's Gillstrom winner Miguel Ramos has five straight quality starts. He just pitched into the seventh and struck out ten against Yellow Springs. Also, Newman Watson seems to have supplanted John Cochran as the everyday DH. I'm going to guess that's because Watson's .275/.314/.512 line is a LOT better than Cochran's .219/.299/.404 mark. Geez. Wonder what the heck is going on with him. I wonder if he's nervous about losing his job? I'm actually kind of nervous. I'm going to call Madelyn (I hope that's her name) today, and ask her to dinner. There's a really nice park near where I live that's close to a great Vietnamese restaurant. I guess that's well ... kind of boring. But you know what? Offie is not the most existing guy. And he's okay with that! So I guess if that's not Madelyn's thing ... then it's probably the best to find out right away. Okay everybody, wish me luck!

Oh, we finish the series with Seattle, then Boise comes to town before we head to Des Moines. Go Crusaders!

[scottsdale_joe]

hyperbolic
great word
magniloquent article