Letter to the Popes' New GM

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Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by shoeless.db » Fri Apr 28, 2023 12:49 pm

Dear Sir or Madam,
Congratulations on being named General Manager for the undisputed best franchise to grace the Brewster Baseball Association. In the bottom drawer of this desk you will find copies of team news articles, personnel and personal notes, and mysterious anecdotes of all that is California Crusader/Sacramento Mad Popes baseball. When you are settled and in your leisure, take the time to peruse these documents to better immerse yourself with the team. Outlined below are my most recent notes detailing the current state of the franchise and the thought process behind what I've done. You can continue the current team philosophy or abandon it completely and remake the entire franchise into your vision. Frankly, I would hope you'd do the second. This game is so much more fun when you own every piece of what is taking place on all six fields home to Mad Popes baseball players and prospects. Be bold. Be daring. And make stupid mistakes. The best stories come from the worst ideas.

FINANCIAL STATE
The organization's financial state along with the team's overall budget is at the very top of the league. Spend like you're the GM of the fuckin' New York Yankees (if you're unfamiliar, the Yankees are a fantasy team in some baseball fanatic's fake baseball simulation league). Seriously, spend all the money. Cuddle the cap every single year, even if you're forced to give some washed up 38 year old reliever a ridiculous one year contract. Do it. Our bonus funds are maxed out. Our fans love us (note: do all you can to keep fan interest up, our fans are worse than Philadelphia Eagles fans when angry .. or bored). You could run a deficit of $40m one year and make it up the next. Embrace being a rich asshole. Congrats on becoming the GM of a team that places sixteen silver spoons up your ass the moment you enter our stadium. Be a dick. Outbid other organizations on shitty minor league or international free agents regardless of team needs. Do it to make them know they are nothing to us. We are goddamn royalty and every other organization is a lower caste than the bedpan cleaners of the peasants we shit on for sport.

CURRENT SALARIES
My apologies, but I left you almost no room to fuck around in free agency this offseason. Over the last season and a half, I extended several of my favorite players, the guys I consider the core of the style of play I enjoy most. Don't fret too much about this. I'm very anal about signing players to descending contracts, so you'll move forward over the coming years with players in their prime under contract with room to sign the free agents to round out your team. Or, if it's your fancy, trade away the guys I just signed. There will be plenty of buyers for guys like Dixon, Nisanci, and Kinsella (Note: Kinsella is the absolute best catcher in the league [anyone telling you differently is either trying to sell you something or get you to undervalue him and trade him away] due to his defense and ability to contribute offensively... his contract should be a crime... or maybe it is... who cares... we're the Popes and we have the best lawyers).

I hope for your sake Carlos Flores opts out of his contract, but I'm guessing he won't. Just two seasons ago, he was in the discussion of being the top pitcher in all the BBA. Then his bitch of a girlfriend broke up with him and he was forced to spend more time with his wife, inevitably causing his on-field performance to nose dive. Who know, maybe his girlfriend slithers back into his life and he returns to form. You already have a top three rotation without him. The league would have to come up with some other metric to rate this team with a high-level Flores added to the bunch.

It pains me, but I was going to execute the team option on Todd Rice and let him go to Free Agency. I love the guy. He's great defensively, but his health has become a too recurring issue. If you can make it work and like him also, keep him. In his sixteen year career, he's only hit under .300 three times, and those were close to it. Damn, now I think I may have tried to keep him. He's borderline HOF, but will likely not get voted in due to so many other GMs getting Viagra-enhanced erections over homeruns, which they completely overvalue.

PHILOSOPHY
This is a good time to talk about my personal philosophy. As of this writing, we just won the Frick League Pacific by four games with an (Championship-hangover and underperforming) record of 94-68. This team hit 60 homeruns in those 162 games -- a Brewster record -- and 38 fewer than the 31st ranked team in this worthless counting stat. In a counting stat that actually matters, we stole 193 bases (stolen bases are way down historically in the current settings). People hate us because we win in a way they think we shouldn't -- by actually playing fucking baseball and not playing like some Tuesday night Men's church league softball team with a fucking insurance salesman named Richard Dinglehimer who is 145 pounds overweight but who hits two pop-up homers over the goddamn orange snow-fence in left field. In the league rules, Dinglehimer doesn't even have to run around the bases. He simply grunts while upper-cutting at a 32 mph "spinner", hits it over the wall, and coughs several times due having that-one swing completely wear out his lazy ass on his way to the dugout to high five all his beer-gutted, Oakley-sunglass-wearing teammates.

No. My Popes hit doubles and triples and steal bases because we care about the fans who actually love baseball in the manner it was meant to be played. The game was meant to have players running their asses off between bases. All of them. A homerun trot is an abomination to this great game. Thank goodness our Alex Ramirez contract expires this season. He hit way too many homers (19 of our 60). [Note: My plan was to use Juan Vera (AAA) next season at third]. The only reason I picked up Ramirez was because the fools who employed this first ballet HOFer didn't put together a team around him to win the a championship. He deserved one (maybe two, fingers crossed).

Last thing about our philosophy. Our stadium is the most extreme pitcher's park in the league. I leaned hard into it. I'll gladly win all the 1-0, 2-1, 3-2 games I can with my punch-and-judy track athletes with great defensive abilities.

MINORS
Cupboards are mostly barren, but so are every one else's. Everyone is going to be terrible in five seasons once all these high level players in their 30s begin declining hard and retiring. I unloaded much of my minor's talent (what I could get drafting at the bottom for the last decade) to gather guys in their mid to late 20's to extend our team's ability to compete at a high level. Our major league team is young and we have just enough in our minors to replace the old guys on their way out.

-- Outfielders: Joffers is nearly the only guy coming up the shoot who can contribute in a meaningful way. And we need him with Rice's departure this year or next. Hopefully, Joffers' AVK reaches potential as his abilities will play well in LF (or RF) against RHP. He'll likely compete for the stolen base title each season due to his unicorn-like running skills and great eye at the plate. He's already set minor league records for stolen bases (this league is over 75 seasons long ... in other words... holy Mad Pope fuck, that's a big deal).

-- Infielders: I already mentioned Vera at third base. Finding young decent middle infielders is nearly impossible with the talent drop over the last decade. I did the best I could to find guys who are elite defensively to make up for their lack of offensive prowess (in other words, guys who can still post a positive WAR in the current BBA .. in the future BBA they'll be even better). Kenner, Jowers, and Bragg are all we've got, sorry.

-- 1B/DH: Who fucking cares? There's 146 guys every free agency period who can fill in on the cheap here. We do have Su'ud. He'll be good. I overpaid for him in IFA (again... spend every other year in IFA like you just won the lottery). Also, note about 1B/DH, the league has a reward where a GM can convert an OF or Catcher to 1B. My plan was to convert Unem Ploid the first offseason he is age 30. He'll be a fantastic first baseman defensively with the conversion, and his slap-hitting and baserunning skills are elite (despite OOTP downshifting his output this year because it hates America, Hot Dogs, and beautiful women). But, again, trade him away if you want to go another route, it's your team. YOUR TEAM!!!!!

-- Catcher: We've very strong at catcher. Sullivan and Fuqar are both lefty-hitting catchers who have overall ratings that do not display their true value. Both these guys are starting BBA catchers vs. RHP. And with the recent long-term extension of Kinsella along with his backup Don Hunt on the BBA roster. This is a position of strength. Sullivan was completely off-limits trade-wise, but Fuqar was my best chip as his skills are rare for his age (and all the shark GMs around the league know it... don't undersell him. He's worth more than Hunt as Fuqar is a LHB.)

-- Starting Pitching: I've traded away far too many three and four rotation guys over the last several years to bring in guys like Vazquez, Isam, and others, but was able to bring in some BBA talented starters in Turner, Shelton, and Radnall. This last draft I went starters heavy as there was no offensive talent to be seen (as far as my dumb eyes were concerned). The five guys in the Berkeley (R) rotation have some very real potential. My plan was to keep them together and move them up a level each season. Graves and Matthews (to a lesser extent) should turn into something, especially as southpaws, and they'll be ready when we may need them in five seasons.

-- Bullpen: I played a little with service time on Clint Thomas. He's a middle reliever from the left side that would have been in every other team's bullpen this season, but, frankly, we're bursting at the seams with great relief guys. Thomas will be out of options, so make sure to either have him make the Popes out of spring training or trade him away. Don't lose him for nothing. Michael Craig is another young arm to have on the ready. Leland Shelton in Berkeley is one to keep watch. We need his movement to hit potential (and bump a bit), but his two pitch repertoire of fastball and elite curveball from the left side will be Stopper-worthy if he develops. My guess is he'll be a 13/6/7 when he's ripe, and equally effective against both righties and lefties.

PERSONNEL
Pope manager Pacheco is elite (like OOTP 1s and 0s elite). I almost hate him because I don't have to be all strategic with how I set up my game strategy. He's good. But can his ass if you want more control. He is magnificent in game, and doesn't make a ton of the idiotic managerial decisions OOTP managers are known for.

Virgil Vaughn, our team trainer, is one of the best, if not the best, in the league. We have very few devastating injuries (knock on wood) and recovery is hardly ever an issue unless I have a "wrecked" or "fragile" player with a laundry list of injuries on him. At 62, I cringe every offseason at the though of Vaughn retiring to Trainer-heaven. HOF-worthy guy if the league cared about things like that.

Carlos Camacho is your assistant GM. Maybe search for him on the forums (hehe). He's a complete asshat and has no right to be in anyone's front office, but here he is. And if you fire him, the curse will be worse than the the Curse of the Bambino. Fair warning...

FINAL WORDS
Print out this letter, piss on it, and flush it down your toilet. The Mad Popes are your team. I will not be secretly judging any decision you make. Cut every player on every roster of our organization. I could not care less. Make them yours! Change the name, the mascot, move them to South Long Beach (is there a South Long Beach). Do whatever you want. Trade Nisanci to Rocky Mountain. Trade Ploid to Phoenix. Trade Joe King to Atlantic City. Have fun with this team. Field a bunch of goddamn Richard Dinglehimers at every single position in the field. Hit 2000 homers and steal zero bases. I don't care. I had a blast with this team since I took over before the 2039 season. I want you to enjoy every second of it also.

Have fun. And buckle up. You are now the GM of the best franchise to grace any fake baseball computer simulation game.

Sincerely,
shoeless

p.s. If you have any questions on the team, franchise, or the BBA, or if you want advice on a trade (sharks, sharks everywhere... which is a great thing... it means the GMs care about their team and their organization... don't let anyone convince you otherwise), I'll be around on Discord.

p.p.s To any other GM reading this: This is my resignation letter as I already wrote a resignation letter a season and a half ago. Thanks for all the memories and friendships. This has been one of the best experiences of my life.

p.p.p.s. Still miss you, Vic!
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-- BBA Champion 2053
-- Pacific Champs 2040, 2042, 2043, 2047, 2048, 2049, 2051, 2053, 2054
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Re: Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by RT60 » Fri Apr 28, 2023 12:53 pm

A masterpiece! See you next season, right?

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Re: Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by aaronweiner » Fri Apr 28, 2023 12:58 pm

We all miss Vic. We'll miss you too.

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Re: Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by niles08 » Fri Apr 28, 2023 1:11 pm

I don't accept this.
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Re: Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by Dington » Fri Apr 28, 2023 1:16 pm

Resignation not accepted because you're actually getting kicked out of the league for not having enough TN this season. Bye Felicia.
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Re: Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by Jwalk100 » Fri Apr 28, 2023 1:27 pm

Only Camacho fires Camacho!

Only @shoeless.db fires @shoeless.db!

Take care brother!
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Re: Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by GoldenOne » Fri Apr 28, 2023 1:59 pm

Wait, I no longer have to fight over FAs and potential trades with you? Good riddance!!

Well, wait though.....now who will be around for me to pick on about the state they live in? Long live South Dakota!!!

Seriously though, good luck!!! See you in a few seasons!
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Re: Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by Dington » Fri Apr 28, 2023 2:57 pm

GoldenOne wrote:
Fri Apr 28, 2023 1:59 pm
Wait, I no longer have to fight over FAs and potential trades with you? Good riddance!!

Well, wait though.....now who will be around for me to pick on about the state they live in? Long live South Dakota!!!

Seriously though, good luck!!! See you in a few seasons!
Congrats @neugey. Your state is now worst of the BBA GMs.
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Re: Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by Jess64 » Fri Apr 28, 2023 3:27 pm

First off, fantastic article, secondly, I think the league will be in worse shape to see someone of your quality leave. But I do understand how life happens.

I for one would appreciate your input if you "retire" and stay around the league....
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Re: Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by jiminyhopkins » Fri Apr 28, 2023 4:09 pm

shoeless.db wrote:
Fri Apr 28, 2023 12:49 pm
...make stupid mistakes. The best stories come from the worst ideas.
This is like, the Talons whole philosophy. Bravo.
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Re: Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by neugey » Fri Apr 28, 2023 6:03 pm

Dington wrote:
Fri Apr 28, 2023 2:57 pm
GoldenOne wrote:
Fri Apr 28, 2023 1:59 pm
Wait, I no longer have to fight over FAs and potential trades with you? Good riddance!!

Well, wait though.....now who will be around for me to pick on about the state they live in? Long live South Dakota!!!

Seriously though, good luck!!! See you in a few seasons!
Congrats @neugey. Your state is now worst of the BBA GMs.
I'll hold down the Dakota's until 2200 if need be!
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Re: Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by Knucklehead254 » Sat Apr 29, 2023 10:31 pm

Great read! Best of luck to you!
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Re: Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by jleddy » Wed May 03, 2023 1:14 am

Worst. Team News. Ever.
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Re: Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by CTBrewCrew » Sat May 06, 2023 11:26 pm

If you wanted to come to the #Heartland @shoeless.db you should have just asked…. 😝
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Re: Letter to the Popes' New GM

Post by chicoruiz » Mon May 22, 2023 9:26 am

Typical Shoeless nonsense. Except for the part about trading Joe King to Atlantic City; that’s a GREAT idea…
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