2062.21 Lolligag Lowry Stays in Yellow Springs
Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2025 9:20 pm
by Edwin Wardman
Shocking absolutely no one, Ollie Lowry opted to remain in Yellow Springs for 13 million dollars in 2062 and another 13 million in 2063. We all knew this was coming, as only an idiot with an ego the size of General Manager Rob McMonigal (who, unfortunately for all of us, appears to be back in action) would have left this sweetheart deal behind.
(I'm told that now-former Long Beach Surfer Unem Ploid did just that. Why couldn't Nine fans get that lucky.)
Lowry pitched (if you can call it that) to a 2-4 record with 3 saves in 47 games, making him one of the most expensive long relievers in Nine history and possibly of all time. He had a 5.55 ERA and managed a -.1 WAR.
Thirteen Million, people.
Lowry's career with the Nine is 11-20 with 5 saves in 86 games. He's got a career ERA of 5.21 and a .6 WAR, so basically McMonigal and Jordan have paid Lowry over 32 million for not even 1 win over replacement.
Is this the worst trade of McMonigal's career? There's so many others (remember the giveaway of Reece Newsome, who went on to star with Las Vegas?), it's hard to tell. One could pick his very first trade, Angel Hernandez for Ken Plante, might have been the worst since it set the stage for so many other failure.
Still, it would be hard to argue that any other trade so hamstrung the team, which is bleeding money and fans and could dearly use that thirteen million elsewhere. I wrote at the time this was a bad deal and I've been proven 100 percent right (naturally.)
How awful is Lowry? Just like the Surfers several years ago, McMonigal is literally giving him away. Heck, I hear he'd eat half the salary, as he did to remove Cold Phil Cole from the roster.
No GM wants this guy. Hell, if GBC trades were allowed, I hear not even Johannesburg would take him on. He's toast. He's useless. He's a waste of roster space. How Lowry managed 3 saves last year is beyond me. Maybe the other team just wanted to get to the hotel early those nights.
My friends, the only right thing to do would be for McMonigal to release Lowry and end everyone's misery. But that would be so expensive it would almost certainly bankrupt the team. Remember when the Nine could burn money at will on everything from international prospects to lucrative plate appearance bonuses? Those days are gone and under McMonigal, just aren't coming back.
But you know who will? Ollie Lowry.
Good grief, Bo! How much longer are you going to let this go on?