2061.07 J-Rod the Jerk

[Trebro]

With a key coaching position set, owner Bo Jordan sat back in his chair, staring at the ball he clobbered to hit home run number 500, wishing he'd gotten number 555, but no one knew it would be his last after his Comeback Player of the Year season in 2029. He thought about that time when he wasn't a player or an owner anymore.

Maybe the retiring Jesus Rodriguez would like to get into coaching. In fact, he'd be a great option for the open bench coach position, assuming Assistant General Manager Eric Russell hadn't done something stupid like offer the job to Arvin Duggan. And even if not, they needed to talk about honoring him at the stadium next year.

Jordan picked up his phone and dialed "J-Rod" direct. He probably should have tried his agent, but anytime you get to avoid talking to Marcus "Bot" Scoras, the better your day went. Bad enough that with McMonigal gone, he'd have to work personally with Scoras on the extension for scuffling outfielder Majd bin Nawaf. Unless a non-tender was a better idea. It was times like this where Bo desperately wished his GM was around, even if he did make a few questionable choices since coming on board in late 2052.

"Oh, I hoped you would call," said Rodriguez, without even saying hello. "I can't wait to hear about the plans for 2061. I think I can really contribute more than I was able to last year."

"Absolutely. I completely agree," said Jordan.

"Now, I realize five million is a lot of money, but I assure you, I'm worth it. I can easily play one hundred games, maybe even more."

"Play?" blurted out Jordan. "Five million?"

"Yeah, I mean that's why you traded for me, right?"

"Oh, Jesus," said Jordan. "There's been a huge misunderstanding."

"What do you mean?" asked Rodriguez.

"I mean that given how badly you played this season, we all, well, kinda expected..." Jordan trailed off.

"Expected what, exactly?"

"That you'd hang 'em up."

"Why? Have you seen the catchers out there lately, Bo? I'm probably still top 25, maybe even higher."

"I think you've taken one too many swings of the bat to the head, Rodriguez. You hit .188. Your OPS couldn't even beat a good bowler playing two sets. Have you lost your mind? Have some dignity."

"Was it dignified when you and that idiot GM of yours shipped me off to Nashville in exchange for a guy who often put his catcher's mitt on the wrong hand?"

"That wasn't our best decision, no, looking back. But he had a lot potential and so did Ziya Turkes. It just didn't work out the way we'd hoped. And you got two Championships out of the deal. So really, if that's what this is about, you're being foolish."

"And if you think I'm going to give up 5 million, you're being foolish."

"This is how you really want it?" asked Jordan.

"Yes."

"You're potentially slamming a door shut, Jesus."

"I'll cry about when I'm buying another vacation home with your money."

"Then I guess I have no choice," said Jordan.

"No, you don't."

"Then better call The Bot, because you're officially a free agent. I'm declining your option. Guess you'll have to get a timeshare on that vacation home, Rodriguez."

"I'll catch on somewhere," said Rodriguez. "Mark my words."

"Just keep tarnishing that legacy," said Jordan. "Trust me, it's not worth the cost." Bo shuddered briefly thinking about his 2031 spent in Triple-A, trying to find a way back. And the less said about his 2030, the better.

"Whatever man. Goodbye." Rodriguez hung up.

"What a jerk," said Jordan to no one. "After he kept telling everyone from Chad on down he was about ready to hang up his cleats. That's Scoras talking, not him. I hope he chokes on his bonus."

Jordan sighed, and dialed the league office to call in the declination, along with a few others. It was starting off as a costly off-season.