[b]Nine Officially Protest Unsafe Addition to the BBA
November 1, 2056[/b]
Yellow Springs, OH – The Yellow Springs Nine issued the following press release.
A Statement from owner Bo Jordan regarding the sale of Seattle to P. Moreau Westmoreland and the relocation to the Bikini Atoll:
As Yellow Springs Nine fans may be aware, Jack Pennybacker, the now-former owner of the Seattle Storm, has sold the team to Mr. Westmoreland. We expressed our concern to the League Office over this development, as his management style is counter to the collaborative work all of us who own BBA teams perform on a regular basis, including supporting a governing board.
Our concern was ignored, then immediately validated when Mr. Westmoreland told the world that he is moving the team from the safe, if grungy, Seattle, part of the contiguous United States, and onto the Bikini Atoll, which was the site of nuclear testing in the prior century. This patently ridiculous choice is typical of what the Nine expect from this owner, and we have issued a vigorous protest to the league office, in a last-ditch effort for them to respect the safety of our players, our coaches, their families, and our large base of traveling fans who look forward to seeing the Nine play and win in other cities.
Before sharing our letter to the league, we are especially disappointed to learn that our long-time former General Manager, Ron Collins, is involved in this disaster waiting to happen. We have a lot of respect for Ron, and were happy to see him doing well in Sacramento. But in a nefarious plan that only Camacho could love – and from what we understand, the Mad Popes aren't any happier than our organization is – he's been drawn into a terrible idea. Lured, even. I cannot know why Ron would agree to change teams in order to oversee the move by Mr. Westmoreland, but I understand that cash was involved and I can only hope it will be enough to cover the co-pays Mr. Collins will inevitably have after the sickness settles in.
I'm going to take this opportunity to speak directly to Ron: I urge you to reconsider this science fiction concept that only a successfully published author treating this as a fictional league where anything is possible would this is a good idea. If this weren't real life, we'd agree. The story possibilities are endless league-wide.
But we're talking about people's lives here. It's just not fair to them to put them in harm's way. Yes, baseball can be a dangerous game, and yes, fans anywhere can cause harm. But in this case, instead of seeing red, the problem is going to be glowing green. Or something like that. I'm not a scientist. And neither is Mr. Westmoreland.
Now, to our letter. This was sent to the league office today:
To Commissioner Recte:
The Yellow Springs Nine officially register a protest regarding the move of the Seattle Storm to the Bikini Atoll, a clearly unsafe venue where almost no one lives. While we understand Seattle's attendance had peeled away over the years, that is no reason for the league to force teams to play where they are likely to end up with peeled skin.
While we opposed Mr. Westmoreland's joining the league as an owner, we understood that money talks and it made sense to have a new owner revamp the franchise. However, his desire to push the League into accepting his outlandish ideas about instant travel and a ballpark that can be altered at whim are almost quaint when compared to his instance that the Atoll is safe.
We have reviewed his "documentation" of safety and find them insufficient. A little digging at the personal expense of the Nine revealed that many of the studies performed by so-called "experts" to confirm the lack of radiation were funded by shell companies owned by Mr. Westmoreland. Further, the "testimonials" were provided in exchange for cash payments, per our private investigators.
We believe there is still time for the BBA to rectify its mistake and request that Mr. Westmoreland utilize a more traditional location for his new toy, since it's clear at this point he's an owner, just as we are. It is our understanding that similar requests will be coming from other team ownership groups in the near future, if not already received.
However, should the league proceed in this foolhardy plan that treats its players as if they weren't real people and instead nothing but pixels in a computer game and immune to the laws of biology, then we want to outline the following:
1) We play any games at the Atoll under protest.
2) We will be tracking the number of players who get sick after their visits, up to and including 1 month after the trip.
3) Will will be submitting any medical costs, now or in the future, for any player, coach, or player/coach's family related to radiation exposure, to be deducted against fees the Nine pay to the league.
4) The Nine will sign on as co-plaintiff in any lawsuits filed against the Krill, Mr. Westmoreland, and/or the BBA related to damages caused by playing there.
Respectfully Submitted,
Bo Jordan
