The Brewster

Young Ace Names Yellow Springs Destination of Choice
September 15, 2046: YELLOW SPRINGS – The BBA world was rocked today by a report that young Charm City star pitcher Bill Constable would really prefer to be pitching in Yellow Springs. “The place is so chill, it’s almost Canadian,” the left-hander was caught on tape saying. “And it’s the home of Chavez and Sanchez—guys I grew up watching and idolizing. The chance to play for (Nine Manager) Alberto Sanchez would be a great honor.”

The clip went on to note that the pitcher assumed that Jose Chavez, his other idol, would likely be joining the team as a pitching coach soon, and that it all added up to say he would be willing to sign a very long-term deal at sub-market levels if Yellow Springs would have him and if “the draconian rules of free agency” would let him. “The claws of capitalism are sharp, and bend toward selfishness,” he said at one point.

The interview created a huge stir-up on social media, with Jimmie fans immediately decrying the clip as a “Deep Fake” and YS9 management releasing an official statement that “The Yellow Springs Baseball Club holds itself to very high ethical standards. And, while we appreciate the sentiment Mr. Constable provided and greatly admire his acumen as a pitcher, no member of the Yellow Springs organization has made any attempt to reach out to him in any way. We realize fully that such an effort would be viewed as tampering and we wouldn’t accept it from any other organization.”