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YS9 Sues Cyclones
July 27, 2045: YELLOW SPRINGS – Yellow Springs Nine lawyers filed a brief today, or an injunction, or an emergency restraining order, or whatever you call the initial stages of a Major Lawsuit, requesting a Federal judge require the Omaha Cyclones be made to play the next two weeks without their shortstop, and the next six without their primary relief pitcher.
“It’s only fair,” said Willard J. Hours, the lead counsel on the YS9 team. The veteran of several important cases, and man with the nickname of “Billable,” was confident of the outcome. “The Nine of lost Luis Pena, and Al Colbert, whereas the Hawks have lost no one. Nada. I mean, that Injury list is as clean as my lower bowels right after my last colonoscopy.” He went on to explain that one of the primary aspects of any sporting event is a sense of fairness, and that any judge o any merit would see that the current situation gave the club from Omaha a uniquely unfair advantage. “If there’s one thing the American people won’t stand for it’s a case of favoritism and a system slanted toward one team at the disadvantage of another. Given the emergency nature of the request, I expect the judge will hear our complaints later in the day, and that we’ll see Raul Gonzales and Roberto Beltran suspended from play within the next twenty-four hours."
The Nine currently sit at 65-36, a game and a half ahead of Omaha in the Heartland standings.
“Clearly this is another sign that the world is aligned against the Nine ball team,” Hours said. “I’ve talked to a lot of people who say the Nine are a lot better than that. So imagine how it will be after the judge grants this perfectly reasonable and totally spell-checked request.”
