Off Topic
Travelblog of Thom S. Hunter
Editor’s Note: This is a running blog that will cover minor league players in the Yellow Springs organization. We initiated it because this kid reporter was hired without my knowledge and we needed to do something with him. He seems flaky to me. Seems like a waste of good cash. But what do I know? Good luck.
July 3, 2045: SILVER SPRINGS – Silver Springs ain’t half-bad if you don’t mind the smell of raw fish and a veneer of corporate greed smeared all over the underpinnings of your baseball game. It feels like getting a rust coat on the undercarriage of your car, you know? I mean, you never really see it but you know it’s there because you paid for it, and fact is you still figure your metal’s going to rust out anyway so all you’ve done is drop an extra couple hundred bucks into he tin can in front of another faceless billionaire.
The Tarpon moved here from Fort Wayne last season, apparently due to some financial shenanigans millionaire Texans were trying to pull on billionaire Ohioans. There’s also the fact that after a fairly solid four seasons, the club wasn’t winning much in Texas. If you put stock in the idea that the millionaires and billionaires care about winning, you can take your assessment there. I know what side my wallet is on, though. The team sits at 38-48 so far this year, but attendance is up. Go figure. Part of that may be that the club is playing in a Glass Bottom Park, which is small and cozy and to be honest, kinda pretty. It’s also located across the block from a mega tourist attraction. I mean, who woulda figured that placement would help?
Another reason, though, and the primary one I’m sitting down the right field line at Glass Bottom, is an 18 year-old Egyptian named Burhan Tahir. Sweet swing, they say. Hard pull hitter. Smooth glovework at the sack. He’s repeating a season at this level, which is sometimes a reason to get worried, but at 18, that worry wasn’t high at the beginning of the year and after he blasted five hits in a game a couple weeks ago that worry reduced even further. That said, the magic word for Tahir seems to be “streaky.”
Part of it may be that the kid is homesick. He doesn’t like good-old American food, for example. “I keep remembering my Mama’s soup and my Daddy’s curry, and that makes me mad. Everything here is burgers and chicken. It’s hard to find good food.” The fans seem to like him, though, and for good reason—he’s polite to a fault, and smiles with a set of choppers flashy enough to serve as a disco ball. He’s smart, too, or at least he throws words around in ways that make his sound smart. Respectful. The kid doesn’t even drink, which should be enough to make me worried about him but for some reason does not. It’s enough to make a regular-assed guy like me say “enough already, enough! Cut the bullshit and show me some dirt.” But I don’t, because, like the rust coat, I’d rather not know for sure what’s underneath. Worst case is he'd be just as pure underneath, then where would I be?
All that, and the $12 million everyone knows he signed for as an International Free Agent.
I mean, shitfire, that’s a lot of cash. Some guys just get it all.
Suffice to say, from my position here in the stands it looks to me like--if he'd just look their way--young Master Tahir has a bevvy of fine-bottomed, Glass Bottom fans lined up to learn how to cook for him. And I mean that directly. Kids in Florida. Man o man. Guys, gals, and everything in between. They already look pretty good in their Burhan Tahir shirts, be they tank tops or not. And with a little home cooking, maybe that inconsistency would work its way out. Not a clue.
Bottom line here in the land of Glass Bottoms, though, is that after three seasons of some struggle, it’s beginning to look like the soon-to-be 19 year old Tahir may be turning a corner. I’m guessing he’ll finish out the year here in Florida, but Silver Springs fans should probably get to the park now if they wand to see him, because I don’t think he’ll be coming back anytime after that.
July 3, 2045: SILVER SPRINGS – Silver Springs ain’t half-bad if you don’t mind the smell of raw fish and a veneer of corporate greed smeared all over the underpinnings of your baseball game. It feels like getting a rust coat on the undercarriage of your car, you know? I mean, you never really see it but you know it’s there because you paid for it, and fact is you still figure your metal’s going to rust out anyway so all you’ve done is drop an extra couple hundred bucks into he tin can in front of another faceless billionaire.
The Tarpon moved here from Fort Wayne last season, apparently due to some financial shenanigans millionaire Texans were trying to pull on billionaire Ohioans. There’s also the fact that after a fairly solid four seasons, the club wasn’t winning much in Texas. If you put stock in the idea that the millionaires and billionaires care about winning, you can take your assessment there. I know what side my wallet is on, though. The team sits at 38-48 so far this year, but attendance is up. Go figure. Part of that may be that the club is playing in a Glass Bottom Park, which is small and cozy and to be honest, kinda pretty. It’s also located across the block from a mega tourist attraction. I mean, who woulda figured that placement would help?
Part of it may be that the kid is homesick. He doesn’t like good-old American food, for example. “I keep remembering my Mama’s soup and my Daddy’s curry, and that makes me mad. Everything here is burgers and chicken. It’s hard to find good food.” The fans seem to like him, though, and for good reason—he’s polite to a fault, and smiles with a set of choppers flashy enough to serve as a disco ball. He’s smart, too, or at least he throws words around in ways that make his sound smart. Respectful. The kid doesn’t even drink, which should be enough to make me worried about him but for some reason does not. It’s enough to make a regular-assed guy like me say “enough already, enough! Cut the bullshit and show me some dirt.” But I don’t, because, like the rust coat, I’d rather not know for sure what’s underneath. Worst case is he'd be just as pure underneath, then where would I be?
All that, and the $12 million everyone knows he signed for as an International Free Agent.
I mean, shitfire, that’s a lot of cash. Some guys just get it all.
Suffice to say, from my position here in the stands it looks to me like--if he'd just look their way--young Master Tahir has a bevvy of fine-bottomed, Glass Bottom fans lined up to learn how to cook for him. And I mean that directly. Kids in Florida. Man o man. Guys, gals, and everything in between. They already look pretty good in their Burhan Tahir shirts, be they tank tops or not. And with a little home cooking, maybe that inconsistency would work its way out. Not a clue.
Bottom line here in the land of Glass Bottoms, though, is that after three seasons of some struggle, it’s beginning to look like the soon-to-be 19 year old Tahir may be turning a corner. I’m guessing he’ll finish out the year here in Florida, but Silver Springs fans should probably get to the park now if they wand to see him, because I don’t think he’ll be coming back anytime after that.