9-News: 44.023 – Gonzalez Head to Roll?

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9-News: 44.023 – Gonzalez Head to Roll?

Post by RonCo » Fri Sep 18, 2020 11:55 am

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Losses to Pacific Teams Have Tensions High

May 12, 2044: Yellow Springs – Rumors are spreading that Assistant General Manager Alex Gonzalez was recently called to the carpet after the club lost first to Portland by a score of 4-1 and then again to Sacramento by a score of 6-3. The idea of losing to teams from the Pacific division are anathema to the Nine, and it seems that someone was going to have to pay the price. Gonzalez appears to have survived the thrashing, but was said to have left the office with a visible shake to his hands, and an anemic pallor.

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“We lost to a guy named Gusby Pinkerton,” said Gonzalez when we caught up to him at a bar later that day. “It’s hard to overcome that kind of a problem.”

Never mind that Pinkerton was the Lumberjack’s first round pick in 2041. Some losses just go down like a cotton ball fired by a bazooka.

Gonzalez was generally mum about many other aspects of the conversation until we’d plied him with three more rum and cokes and triple shot of Teliqua. “Really, losing to Portland didn’t bother anyone. Those guys are coming up the curve, and their PR department is top-notch. Everyone kind of hates to like them. And we’d already won the series, so.” He shrugged. “But losing to those assholes from Sacramento…” he paused to shake his head and down another slug. “I mean. Simpson. Batting. Against. Lefties. Jesus, man, like that makes a difference.”

It seems that not even a 10-2 thrashing of the Mad Popes could clear the taste of motor oil from the palate of the team’s front office after the embarrassment of losing two straight to the Pacific.

Losing to Heartland rivals has never been a big deal to Yellow Springs executives, because the division is home to the best baseball in the world, and sometimes even a better team loses. But losses to the Pacific have always been a source of discomfort to people around the organization, to the point that flags were flown at half-mast after the second shellacking.

Now, of course, there is some uptick among pundits as they discuss the Pacific division, some going so far as to suggest there are actual baseball teams west of the Twin Cities.

“Some folks are actually saying that the Pacific might be the Heartland’s equal these days,” Gonzalez said. “Ha!”

Then he threw down another shot, mumbled "God save us all," and hobbled out of the bar.

We followed him home, of course.

He made it safely, on foot the whole way, singing “I shot the Sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy!” at the top of his lungs, holding his hands to his head, staring up into the nighttime sky, and, occasionally, doing what we think was some kind of dirgy dance.
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Re: 9-News: 44.023 – Gonzalez Head to Roll?

Post by HoosierVic » Fri Sep 18, 2020 2:34 pm

If you find chicken entrails in his office, you'll need to have him institutionalized.

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