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YS Citizens Suckers for Four Bits
May 3, 2044: Yellow Springs – The YS9 financial offices yesterday released a report that provides early insight into the effects of the team’s recent slashing prices by 50 cents, from a harsh reality $19..00 to a kinder, gentler $18.50 (this on the coattails of the draconian raising prices for opening day from $16 (the season ticket rate) to the aforementioned $19.
Yes, we know those were a lot of numbers. Thank goodness for that private education.
“The bottom line is that the bottom line is looking good,” said Intern Elwood P. Gathings III as he wiped his brow and cleaned his electric contact lenses. He went on to explain that the Nine’s attendance had peaked on opening day, but fallen to a dismal 50,000 people per game. The reduced prices, however, have resulted in full crowds and a revenue stream that “will keep us In foul balls for the near-term future. Besides, no one wants to see empty seats.”
Per the report, the team projects to reap $36.6M this season, down a notch from the $37.4M made last year.