9-News: 43.027 – Pineda Out

[RonCo]

Off Topic

Lefty Beats Nashville, then Implodes

May 5, 2043: Yellow Springs – A lot of things have gone wrong in Yellow Springs so far this year. Including superstar Dong-po Thum seeming indifferent to hitting a baseball, and defending Nebraska champion Carlos Valle seeming to become a conscientious objector to getting batters out. Earlier this week, Sam Brewington, the Nine’s suddenly unruly manager, was videoed ripping apart his office after his club’s pitching staff gave up a 7-run inning after the offense had scored six a few minutes before. A few days later, young star Ricardo Mendoza was fined and suspended for inciting a dugout clearing brawl. 36-year-old Lucas McNeill is looking a lot more like 30-year-old, replacement level Lucas McNeill than he is last year’s 2.2 WAR model.

Before all these other things, however, the undeniable worst news of all is news that the club’s brilliant young pitcher Carlos Pineda has been placed on the injured list with the always mysterious diagnosis of “shoulder inflammation.” We looked up the technical definition of this injury in the medical guide to baseball boo boos and discovered the photos of several long-gone pitchers and the words "we don't have a clue what is wrong, but the kid can't lift his hand over his shoulder without grimacing in pain, so something's got to be swollen, right?"

Rumors are floating around social media that he could be lost for the entire year, but since no one can say for sure what the hell shoulder inflammation is, who the hell knows?

“We are placing Carlos on a steady diet of rest and recuperation,” said Julian Carmona, the team’s erstwhile doctor who has recently come under fire after a tough year on the trainer’s table for the Nine in 2042.

Pineda had been one of the bright spots for the team, and was sitting at 4-0 with a 1.88 ERA after having struck out 43 hitters in 38 innings. Put in starker words, without him the Nine would be sitting at sub-.500.

This is not what anyone wanted to hear. As we write this the Yellow Springs ball club sits at 21-17, still squarely in playoff contention, but in 4th place in the Heartland division, a far sight from the lowly Loserville Sluggers. “Something has to change,” Brewington said in a press conference called after his tirade, and it’s not going to be me.