But I digress.
“You’ve got a package,” she says.
“Hmmm,” I reply.
“Do you know what it is?”
It strikes me that, yes, I do actually know what it is but I don’t want to deprive her of the moment that’s coming, so I just say “yes” and move on.
Not one to leave well enough alone because, well, she's a normal human being, my wife continues the conversation in the expected way.
“What is it?” she asks.
“You’ll have to open it to find out.”
Yes, I’m that good at this game.
So she goes to cut the box open, and as she’s doing so it becomes clear she’s a little put-off by my incredibly sexy coyness. “It’s an internationally prestigious award,” I say, trying to placate her. apparently this works to little avail, but it makes me giggle inside, so what the heck, right? She married me. It's almost like she's stuck with me, and let's face it, she knew what she was getting into.
The box opens and there’s another box, which I then open to reveal the indescribably beautiful thing inside.
My wife, duly impressed, takes a picture and texts it to my beautiful daughter.
I sense that they are not as excited or impressed as one might expect.
Indeed, a few minutes later, my beautiful daughter, for whom I have sacrificed for and doted on for all of her life, texts me the following.
To which, I reply:
Because I’m a grown up, god dammit, and I can do what I want. It also happens that I am eating lunch that includes sliced grapefruit at the time. (You can’t make this up, am I right?) Who am I to mess with the gods? I text her my slices, just for completeness, you know?
In the meantime, my wise son-in-law is busy doing triage.
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To which he then replies:
Now, you know, us guys who are fathers of daughters can be forgiven occasionally getting into that fake passive aggressive bullshit about protecting daughters or whatnot, but putting aside the fact that she’s a big girl and she knows I’ll always be there, I think we can all agree that she’s done a helluva job picking out guys, right?
Not to be outdone, I shoot back (see what I did there? “Shoot” “Shot”??? Don’t try this at home boys, only professional writers can pull that kind of intensely brilliant wordplay out of our keisters when we need to)…anyway…
In the meantime, the Yellow Springs Nine used opening week to unveil the delivery this Major Award in its true size, with the GM doing the presenting.
