Manager Provides Confusing Commentary
Pizza and Beer is on Closer Today
The Yellow Springs Nine moved to further solidify their pitching staff this week, signing closer Curt Phillips to a four-season contract extension that should see the player earn upwards of $27M. The deal includes an option that Phillips could exercise to explore the market a season early, and $500K/season if he exceeds 50 innings pitched.
“That’s a lot of green,” said one fan.
Considered one of the league’s premier closers, the Egan award-winning pitcher has career marks of 25-33, with 187 saves. His 4.41 career ERA includes a couple bloated seasons early in his career, including a season where the club was experimenting with using him out of the rotation. The deal comes with the closer sitting on the precipice of taking over the top spot on the franchise list for saves, as he needs three more to surpass Pablo Romero’s 190. He came to the club as their first-round draft pick in 2032. He throws one of the better cutters in the league, and has a curveball to match.
“Curt has been a critical part of our baseball club for a long time,” said assistant GM Jose Cabrera, “and he’s still a young guy. We would love to see him finish his career here—but, you know, that’s a really long way away.”
“I remember my Mama once asked what the difference was between a dog and a Nazi,” said manage Bill Inkster, who is under some stress from fans for using Timofei Bakitski to disastrous affect ahead of Phillips on occasion. “When I couldn’t answer, she said: a Nazi lifts his arm.” No one is sure what he meant by that, but several reporters are exploring whether the comment was called for or not.
Regardless, Phillips looks like he’s going to be a member of the Nine for the next few years, and everyone is sure that this, at least, is a good thing.
