Extended Clean-up Effort Push Calendar
Nine Brass Footing Community Bill[
Full of hope after the latest of their October implosions, faithful fans of the Yellow Springs Nine turn their gazes toward 2041 and the month of April, only to see the club will play only four of its first twenty-three games at Utopia Field.
“It kind of sucks,” said Daisi Michelli, a waitress at the Droppa Gin Bar and Eatery. “Those early season games bring the best tips.”
Oddly, the club will open at home with a two-game set with Pacific Division rival Long Beach. The club will then travel to Omaha, Louisville, California, and Hawaii before seeing the delightful sight of Ohio for a whole two games—at which point they will travel to Nashville and Madison. “At least we get per diem,” said newly signed catcher Luis Berrera.
Word on the street is that the team has requested this schedule due to issues regarding the clean up of the biohazardous spill that marred the last few weeks of last season. Insiders say that porcine byproduct has seeped into the foundations of several buildings in the area, requiring additional ultra-violet laser driven sterilization practices that have been recommended by top members of FEMA. These steps were de;ayed over the off season when the club’s chief groundskeeper was unable to be located (and was subsequently found surfing in waves off an otherwise deserted island—more news perhaps to come there, eh?)
In addition, 9-News has learned that the team’s Hall of Fame owner and business magnate, Bo Jordan, skimmed several millions of dollars off the team’s profit last year after earmarking it to pay for similar procedures to be performed on local housing and small businesses affected by the disaster. “It’s in our charter to be responsible citizens,” Jordan said when asked about it.
“It’s tough to play on the road so early,” said manager Bill Inkster. “But my daddy always said I could do hard things, so we’ll just lace up the cleats and go at it.”
