YS9 SHITS UTOPIA FIELD
There was no baseball that got played this week. None. The grossest team in the BBA sludged their way into town and then slimed their way out of town with something the record books will record as three wins. But make no pretendings otherwise, nothing that happened over these three games should ever be considered to be “baseball.” No hitting. No pitching. The team committed four erros and had two men thrown out at third base.
Fans booed.
Newscasters threw shade.
Citizens of Yellow Springs stayed mostly indoors the following day, the few that did have to get out hid in shame behind darkened shades and hijabs, fedoras pulled down over their heads, huge umbrellas shielding them from the mere existence of the day.
No, indeed. We’re not sure what happened in Ohio over this weekend, but it was most assuredly not baseball.
Manager Mentions: “The sun will come up tomorrow.”
Fan Blasts: Three supporting groups have pooled resources to purchase BillMustGo.com and hire a suite of Chechnian web coders to fill and push content across all major platforms. “Getting swept by the Sluggers is just unacceptable,” said Kal Freedman, head supporter at Bleed Nine Red. “Someone has to get fired.”
Starter PQS:
| Game | 6+ IP | H < IP | 5K | 3K => BB | 0 HR | Total PQS | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Ramos | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| 2 | Llauro | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 |
| 3 | Barnard | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 |
Off Topic
9-Notes:
- The Nine front office was egged Monday night. Police are looking for suspects in hopes rewards can be provided.
- The team travels to San Fernando next. As the players walked into the airport, fans lined the halls, chanting Shame! Shame! Shame! and throwing soggy twinkies at them. “We deserved it,” said one anonymous player, who spoke only while wearing a bag over his head.
