“Kinda crappy,” was the way an industry insider summarized how people viewed this crop of International Free Agents. Indeed, an informal poll of people in the know was unanimous, including several who wallowed in its stenchy mediocrity like pigs in the proverbial slop. One-by=one, the teams finished their pre-signing assessments, and one-by-by-one, all anointed the gathering with labels like “tepid” and “piss poor.”
Of course, Yellow Springs took three.
Yes, fans, the team you know and love, the team who pays someone full time to bump social media with 1,000 word orations of financial constraint and prudent application of roster logic, the team that fades every October like clockwork, that team threw money around like a drunk at the Landis Memorial of Poker, and was likely about as successful.
$3.0M went to outfielder Kazuki Ojima, a lefthanded hitter who shows some power, but whose defense screams Designated Hitter. He’s a guy who will clog up the bases, too, so there’s that. On the other hand, the team was glowing about Ojima’s intangibles. He comes from established roots in Japan, and has already made headlines for his dedication to task and his ability to read pitchers. If he were any smarter he’d be solving the world’s crisis about what to do now that the work economy has gone to zero (thank god no one wants to watch robots, or heaven forbid, digital second world guys play baseball). Instead, he’s going to live off his $3M while the development monster slowly steals his skills.
For only $2M, the team then inked Puerto Rican catcher Luis Munoz. Munoz is a righthanded hitter who the team thinks will grow into an above average defender and a bat with some pop. The Nine were apparently besotted after hearing stories about how Munoz’s workout regimen had put three grown men into the hospital. “He sleeps at the gym if they let him, so he can get an extra set in early in the morning before he goes to school,” said a close friend. “He’s kinda of dopey, but the girls all like him a lot. One assumes that with $2M in the bank account, that won’t come to an end.
An hour later, the Nine announced that they had also given $2M to speedy Australian center fielder Wes Grieve. The lanky 6’2”, 170 pounder was clocked at “faster than a wallaby with a dingo on his hind-end.” He projects as a slap hitter who can reach that gaps…or, truth told, he projects as a $2M quad-A player at his peak. As a center fielder, his defense might play in left.
All total, the team spent $7M, which translates to $13M after taxes. Rumors are that they had earmarked as much as $20M for the effort, so they left at least one player on the table—a player that a Nine intern suggests might have been starting pitcher Sergio Barron, who was eventually signed by Wichita for $7.3M ($13M after tax).
Despite judgements on the class as a whole, the Nine’s executive suite professed to be pleased with the haul, considering it to be “a bargain at half the price.”
Yes, fans, there’s your front office at work. Season tickets are available just next door.
