Thum, from China, has had some difficulty adjusting to life in America, both culturally and due to the language, something the team tried to move alone last off-season by hiring the growing superstar a tutor. Word today comes that the team will be sending Thum back to school again soon, specifically to learn the language enough to at least be able to spout clichés.
“Dong-po figured out that he really only needed to know a few words to answer about anyone’s questions,” said AAA manager Keith Higgins. “Once he got there, he became a lot more comfortable spouting things like: I got a pitch I could handle, and I handled it, and it’s really all about my teammates, because without them I couldn’t play very well.”
Rumors are that, on recommendation from the LaLoosh’s, the Nine have reached out to hire one aging Crash Davis to allow the kid to shadow him, thereby working on the clichés. The contract has a kicker that pays Davis more if his wife, Annie—an English and poetry teacher in her day and and still an aficionado of great literature—takes time to teach Thum more of the language. Davis, who was rumored to be on his death bed earlier this season, managed to get out of the hospital for old-timers day at the minor league park this year, where he drilled a homer over the bull and hung them up. “I just thank the powers that got me here,” he said after the game, proving that he’s still got it. “Good lord willin’ I’ll hang them up again next year.”
Assuming the education takes, the team is expecting Thum to be ready for spring training, and likely to be the club’s starting shortstop come April.
