9-News: 36.054 – Robertson Dazzles in DH Slot

[RonCo]

Claims of Magic Jelly Beans Produce Results

On June 3rd, YS9 manager Bret Richards penciled George Robertson’s name into the Designated Hitter’s slot. At that time he was hitting .207 with five homers and 18 RBI. The kindest of fans were calling for him to be sent back to AAA, the less kind had other ideas. And let’s face it, those numbers don’t go far enough to define things. The 21-year-old kid was a mess in the field and a mess with the bat.

Since that time, however, Robertson is making Richards look brilliant.

How brilliant?

In the month he’s been in that DH role, he’s hitting .362, with 8 homers and 18 RBI. He’s getting on base at a tick under .450.

“Part of it is that it’s nice to be away from the fans in right field during away games,” he said, suggesting that fans in several cities spent most of their time taunting him. “People are not kind.”

The other part, Robertson’s teammates say, is focused on a jar of jelly beans that sits on his locker shelf. They’re from his nephew back in Texas, and the guys say they’re magic. Reports say Robertson eats one jellybean a day just before BP, and it’s like day and night. “I’d get them tested in a lab,” said teammate Mauro Saucedo, “but I’m afraid of what they might find.”

In the meantime, the team has taken to filing past Robertson’s locker and touching the glass jar the beans are stored in. Perhaps it’s working, because the team’s run output has jumped:

Before Jelly Beans: 4.89
After Jelly Beans: 5.70
I think all us stats mavens can agree that these numbers are clear proof that magic exists in this world—which is good, because the Nine are going to need a lot if they intend to take down the Omaha Hawks, so seem to not need jelly beans to win their games.