2041.1: Castroville

GM: Fred Holmes

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2041.1: Castroville

Post by Rubaboo » Sat Dec 21, 2019 3:17 pm

"Look at this, have you seen this shit?"

Team owner, Meat Poplowski Jr. busts through my door, obviously upset, and slams a memo from the league office down on my desk.

"How can they do this?" he sputters angrily.

Without speaking, I look over the memo. It seems that the California Crusaders have gotten league approval to move their AA affilate to Bismarck, ND, current home of the Pioneers, our rookie league affiliate.

MP continues: "I'm going to file a formal complaint with the league office and block this move. They can't do this without running it by us first."

I calmly interject into MP's rage rant: "You could do that, yeah, but recall, if you will, when Buffalo moved to Havana. Remember Jim from New Orleans ranted and raved and made a bunch of noise because they already had a AAA affiliate in Havana. Do you recall the league office's response to Jim on that?"

MP's face turns thoughtful as he cranks up the ol' memory bank. "I don't recall specifically."

"They didn't do shit. They mostly shrugged their shoulders and let Buffalo move there. Jim had to deal. You can file a petition or whatever if you want to but they're not going to do anything about it."

"So, what, your solution is just to let them move in on us? Just lie down and take it?" he asks, heatedly.

I lean back in my chair, slowly teepeeing my fingers, "Not at all."

"So then what do you propose we do about it?"

"I propose we say fuck Bismarck."

MP blinks, clearly surprised. "Wait, what? Like how? Move the team? We can't leave Bismarck, we've had our rookie team there forever."

I snort a laugh "We can't leave Bismarck? Why the hell not? Have you ever been there? That place is an armpit. I have a hell of a time convincing coaches and players to go there because it's a fucking hole, a pit of despair. We should definitely move the team out of there to somewhere better."

He takes a moment to consider, "Well, we had talked a few seasons ago about trying to move all of our teams to Mexico, after we moved from Halifax to Los Cabos... Maybe we could do that with Bismarck? What do you think, Cancun? Mazatlan?"

I shake my head slowly, "Do you really think importing a bunch of 18 and 19 year old kids to a Mexican tourist town is the best idea? The legal drinking age is 18 here, we'll have a bunch of kids chugging Sol and popping knock off Viagra and hitting the town. It'll be a PR nightmare. I think we should look at the southern US for our Rookie team. Let them mature a bit before bringing them south of the border."

MP nods, "Probably a good point. We took a bunch of proposals a few years ago, any place in particular stand out?"

"Actually, yeah." I dig through a desk drawer, pulling out a pile of relocation proposals, "Do you remember those goofy hipster farmers from California? With the artichokes? Where the hell were they from..." I find the packet I'm looking for, "Castroville! That was it."

"I do remember those folks. Castroville... South of San Jose, right? I remember them proudly stating that it's the artichoke capital of the world. Wasn't there some stupid pun they used about it?"

"The Heart of Artichoke Country... Yeah, down in wine country. Outside of Carmel and Monterrey. Basically a bunch of artichoke farms in the middle of nowhere. If there's a good place for kids to focus on ball, that's probably it. Weather is nice, it's close enough to "California Stuff" without being so close that it's a distraction."

MP slowly nods his approval. "Alright, let's give them a call, see what they say. The proposal is old, but I would imagine they'd be interested if we are."

"Alright, Castroville, here we come! We'd better at least get some damn Artichoke dip out of all of this."
Fred Holmes
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Re: 2041.1: Castroville

Post by jleddy » Sat Dec 21, 2019 3:57 pm

There’s been some tremendous writing in my two years in the league, but nothing has made me chuckle outloud harder than “I propose we say fuck Bismarck.”
"My $#!? doesn't work in the playoffs." - Billy Beane Joe Lederer

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Re: 2041.1: Castroville

Post by bschr682 » Sat Dec 21, 2019 4:37 pm

a pit of despair... lol

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Re: 2041.1: Castroville

Post by shoeless.db » Sun Dec 22, 2019 2:10 pm

My only consolation is at least Bismarck isn’t in Wisconsin.

Thanks for vacating Bismarck. The entire town is excited to watch real baseball.
California Crusaders
Life is a bit more beautiful when time is measured by the half inning rather than the half hour. -- db "Shoeless" Olmsted

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