The ladies enjoy some fresh breakfast before the authorities arrive.
The excitement was palpable as they hit the road, but it was interrupted by an unexpected call on their jitterbug cellular device. The call was from one of their granddaughters, Emily, who had some disturbing news.
"Grandma, you won’t believe this! I read something about you all on the internet," Emily exclaimed.
The ladies gathered around, curious and concerned. "What did you read, sweetie?" asked Gertie.
Emily read out loud:
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Phoenix, AZ-
In a move that is sure to ruffle a few feathers and direct even more ire toward the Phoenix franchise, Talons officials today announced that any pending visits to the Greater Central Arizona Metropolitan Area by the group known as "Gertie's Girls" will not be welcomed at the one place where they might be most at home: The World's Largest Denny's™.
Paul Krugman, Talons Director of Stadium Operations And Fan Experience, explained. "We here at Central Arizona Concessions LLC dba Phoenix Talons Base Ball Club Incorporated take things very seriously when it comes to Denny's Paul D. Lunn Memorial Stadium Presented by Subaru," he began.
"We have been watching with great interest the various travels and adventures of the groupies known as 'Gertie's Girls' and I have to say that we are not looking forward to any potential visit. They are up to stadium #27 now, and let me say, we're getting a bit nervous, because any moment now, we could be next!" Krugman said.
"The Talons are a very serious baseball organization that takes winning and competing extremely seriously. We are also intensely serious about a seamless fan experience where the fans and their money are parted with the utmost efficiency. Our serious, determined, and profoundly committed team has been nothing but incredibly serious for like three decades now and we aren't about to let a rag-tag group of fun-loving ladies disrupt our, er, seriousness," Krugman concluded.
The Talons Reclusive GM concurred with his employee's statements. "Yep, totally serious. Don't have time for absurdity, joviality, satire, sardonic wit, or any other shenanigans around here. The World's Largest Denny's is a cultural institution and we can't afford to have it be disrupted by this fun-loving, kind, adventurous, and frankly highly entertaining group of elderly women. Nope. Too serious for that stuff around here!"
The GM also left with a threat of sorts: "Mark my words, if we see those 'Girls' around here, we will have to take drastic measures like putting Ernest McBride on waivers and leaving Your Mom™ to rot in double-A all season."
"In fact, just today I had to release starting pitcher Jaypee Estancia just to show you all how serious we are about this serious matter."
Go Talons!
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The girls were furious. "Who does this Marko think he is, stalking us on the internet?" Gertie huffed.
Mandy, with a puzzled look, asked, "What is the internet? And why is it still a thing?"
Beth, slightly more tech-savvy, rolled her eyes. "It’s where people post stuff about their lives, Mandy. And yes, it’s still a thing. Now, let’s not get sidetracked."
They decided to ask Emily to post some mean comments in reply to the GM’s post. "Can you write something about how ridiculous he is?" Gertie asked.
"And make sure to mention his secret exclusive nightclub called the 'Steel Factory,' staffed by very muscular, sweaty, and handsome men dressed as steel workers," added Beth with a mischievous grin.
However, Emily refused. "I can’t be part of a smear campaign, Grandma. It’s not right," she said firmly.
Determined not to be deterred, the girls took matters into their own hands. "We’ll show him," Gertie declared.
Under the cover of night, the girls snuck to the Subaru dealership, hotwired a shiny new SUV, and drove it straight through the front entrance of the world's largest Denny's. The crash was loud, glass shattered everywhere, and alarms blared, but Gertie's Girls were undeterred. They were on a mission.
Once inside, they were met with stunned silence from the few staff members who were there preparing for the morning rush. Without missing a beat, the ladies commandeered the kitchen and began whipping up classic Denny's family-style meals.
"Who wants a Grand Slam?" shouted Gertie as she flipped pancakes with surprising agility.
"I’ll get started on the Moons Over My Hammy," declared Beth, rummaging through the fridge for ham and cheese.
While some of the ladies took over the kitchen, others had a different target. They made their way to the multimedia office and replaced all the PA muzak and walk-up music with just one song: Hootie and the Blowfish's "I Only Want to Be with You." Which was the only cassette the ladies have listened to the entire trip and has become the lady's official Subaru stealing & breaking into the world's largest Denny's montage music.
"Let’s see how serious they are with this playing all game," giggled Mandy.
Their final act of rebellion led them to GM Marko's office. They broke in, expecting to find a typical office. Instead, they were met with a shrine of sorts. The walls were covered in clippings and photos of Gertie's Girls' adventures.
"This looks just like Ray Finkle's parents' home, except it's us!" exclaimed Beth.
Stunned, they quickly snapped photos of the room before heading back to the Denny's kitchen. By the time the authorities arrived, the girls had served up a hearty breakfast to the stunned staff and a few early-bird customers.
As they were escorted out, Gertie turned to one of the police officers. "You make sure you tell GM Marko that Gertie’s Girls don’t back down from a challenge."
The incident made headlines, and the girls became local legends in Phoenix. "Let's see if that SOB has the balls to release Jaypee Estancia", Martha yelled. But the fans were more interested in the adventures of Gertie’s Girls than in the team’s potential roster changes.
The next day, after posting bail, the ladies decided to explore Phoenix. They visited local landmarks, tried delicious local cuisine, and even managed to catch a glimpse of a spring training game.
Finally, game day arrived. The Talons played against the Rockville Pikemen, and the game was a thrilling spectacle. The Talons reeled in a 9-4 win, thanks in large part to Niaz Minhas, who hit two home runs and drove in three runs. Early in the game, second baseman Ángel Zalapa had a 2-run double, putting the Talons on top, 3-1.
"I'm proud to wear a Phoenix jersey," Minhas told the Phoenix Daily News. "We played a good game and came out with the win. What more can you ask for?"
The game was held at the Denny's Paul D. Lunn Memorial Stadium Presented by Subaru, and despite the earlier tension, the girls managed to have a good time. They cheered for the Talons, enjoyed the concessions, and even managed to sneak a peek at the world’s largest Denny’s.
As they left Phoenix, the girls felt a mix of triumph and defiance. They had faced adversity, but they hadn’t let it spoil their adventure. They were already looking forward to their next stop, knowing that no matter what obstacles they faced, they would handle them with their usual blend of humor, determination, and a touch of rebellious spirit.
Gertie's Girls were unstoppable, and no GM’s social media rants could change that.
