2063 South Bend Proudest Monkeys Team Awards Presented by Gertie and her Miracle Tonic for Chronic Losing (Now With 17% Less Arsenic!)
HITTER OF THE YEAR: Leo Hollenbeck“This boy hits like a man running from the law—fast, hard, and with purpose!” – Gertie
• AVG: .302
• OBP: .392
• SLG: .506
• OPS: .898
• WAR: 5.7
• 18 HR / 72 RBI / 83 R / 38 2B
Leo dominated every offensive category. He was the heart, soul, and probably half the liver of this offense.
PITCHER OF THE YEAR: Jose Monsivals“If I had five Joses, I’d bottle 'em and sell 'em as Liquid Fireball—excellent for achy joints *and* playoff pushes!” – Gertie
• ERA: 3.98
• WAR: 2.6
• WHIP: 1.25
• K: 119
• K/BB: 2.90
• Opp. AVG: .256
He was reliable, sharp, and stingy with walks—just like Gertie at a speakeasy poker table. This kid may have punched his ticket.
PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Leo Hollenbeck“I don’t usually double up my doses or my awards, but sugar, this boy earned it!” – Gertie
Leo did it all: hit for power, got on base, created runs like a bakery at sunrise, and played 133 games with relentless consistency.
Stay tuned next season for more hits, more strikes, and more of Gertie’s legally gray contributions to modern sports medicine!
