Premature Emancipation: Kum Shot Back to Chi-town
Fans cry foul: 'Enough with the dick jokes!"
Kum had hoped to escape
the last-place Black Sox
Chicago, May 27, 2054 -- Call it a case of premature emancipation for Lao Kum. Just hours after the Rule 5 pick was sent back to his original club -- finally freed from playing for the last-place Black Sox -- Kum learned that he would be returning the Chicago system by way of trade. The Black Sox retrieved Kum for $100,000 in cash.
This was the latest chapter in the odd season for Kum, the 26-year old bench warmer. He had wowed the coaches in spring training, enough to make the big league roster as a fifth outfielder. But once the games counted, his bat went limp and he was returned to the Twin Cities River Monsters.
Tillie in a titter over Kum coming back
For Twin Cities, this was a no-brainer. "Would much rather have cash than Kum," said one source with the River Monsters.
Black Sox GM Mike Dunn refused to comment on why he decided to then trade for Kum. But sources indicate that with the team once again in the cellar, Dunn was hoping the Kum activity would generate headlines and fan interest because of the sexual innuendo of Lao's last name.
Fans, though, did not take kindly to the move. "Enough with the dick jokes," said Tillie Taldowesky, President of the Black Sox fan club 'The Southside Slobs.'
In a lengthy diatribe on the club's website, Taldowesky accused Dunn of being "desperate to generate talk on social media" through the trade. "This isn't personal," she wrote, "Everyone knows how much I appreciate Kum. He's a stand-up guy. But this club needs to focus on winning, not going viral on social media through ninth-grade bathroom humor. Grow up, pal."