53.9 Exclusive: League Launches Probe Into
Rumors of Black Sox Tanking
Team Advisor Leon Ponzi Voices Denial
Chicago, June 30, 2053 -- Your faithful Black Sox Baseball Blog has this shocking exclusive: according to sources close to the Commissioner of the Brewster, the league has quietly launched a probe into whether the Chicago club is intentionally losing in order to ensure a top draft pick.
Leon reacts to the leaked emailsThe Black Sox are currently in the midst of what projects to the worst season in its hallowed history. The club currently has a 23-57 record, five games behind the two next-worse teams. In the midst of this, team GM Mike Dunn suddenly disappeared, and all decisions now are apparently made by an advisor, Leon Ponzi.
Proof of the investigation is contained in an internal league email about the investigation, a group discussion among members of the Governing Board over whether there is sufficient proof of tanking to warrant fines or other discipline. "If this isn't tanking," wrote one board member, "I don't know what is."
When we confronted Ponzi (pictured to the left) with the leaked email, he vehemently denied that he was trying to ensure the club loses. "I ain't about that bullshit. Who wrote this? The Commish? I'ma gonna call his ass up. Tanking? I don't even know what that means. We are trying to win games! Honestly, so help me god. Tanking? We ain't tanking. We are trying win games. You can count on that!"
Lending credence to the tanking theory is the fact that the club has spent little on free agents to bolster its current roster as it rebuilds. Currently the Black Sox have the second-lowest payroll in the league, at just $83 million. "We tried," retorts Ponzi, "We really did. I know of at least two top free agents who refused to talk to us because they don't like Bobby (manager Roberto Solis). Other free agents demanding 5- and 6-year deals, that would be crazy for a rebuilding club."
Ponzi also points to the success of the Black Sox minor league affiliates as proof of a sincere rebuild. The AAA affiliate, the Carolina Flight, has one of the best records in the Rupert Horn Memorial league, at 46-34. The AA Beloit Blue Sox are 19 games above .500, at 51-30, while the single-A Grand Junction Gold Sox are five games above .500.
"We traded away two studs -- Bernie Stuart and Badr Isam -- so we could restock the farm and rebuild," said Leon. "Would our big league record be better with Bernie and Badr still here? Or course it would. Would we be contenders? Of course not. So it was smart to trade those guys, and the prospects we got back are now kicking muthafuckin' ass in the minors. The fans may not like us now, but just wait a year or two!" Attendance at Vinnie Vitale Stadium is down a whopping 25% this season.
Leon had one parting shot at league officials: "Tell the governing board to stop pryin' into my business and worry about their own problems! Like all them funny little pills and white powder floatin' around the clubhouses, if you know what I mean, heh heh."
