Exclusive: Team Owner Issues Memo to All Black Sox Players: Home Repair Mishaps Will Void Your Contract
Team claims edict "unrelated" to tragic Smiley accident
Chicago, January 26, 2053 -- The Black Sox Baseball Blog has obtained an internal email sent by team owner Santino "Sonny" Vitale to all Black Sox on the active roster, warning them that injuries incurred during home repair efforts would potentially void their contract. Here is the full text of the memo:
Off Topic
To all players:
I trust you all had a restful holiday season, and I also trust that you are now focused entirely on getting yourself into shape for the upcoming season. The fact that our club has decided to go into fire sale mode does not also mean that we are not interested in winning games.
Therefore I find it necessary to remind you that all your waking moments should be devoted to making yourself a better ballplayer -- and not in doing home repairs that may come up while you are home bound. I pay you a lot of money, in some cases too much money, so you can all easily afford to hire people to come in a take care of any issues that come up. Most injuries that require emergency room treatment occur in the home. Do me a favor -- pay someone to do the work. Even you newcomers making the league minimum can afford to hire repair help. And just because your wife hounds you to take care of this or that doesn't mean you have to do the work yourself.
As a result of this concern, I am imposing the following rule, effective immediately: any player who suffers an injury while doing home repair, inside or outside or even on top of your property, may find their contract voided, with no money due. My lawyers have assured me that this is within my rights.
Thank you and good luck in '53!
Regards,
Sonny
I trust you all had a restful holiday season, and I also trust that you are now focused entirely on getting yourself into shape for the upcoming season. The fact that our club has decided to go into fire sale mode does not also mean that we are not interested in winning games.
Therefore I find it necessary to remind you that all your waking moments should be devoted to making yourself a better ballplayer -- and not in doing home repairs that may come up while you are home bound. I pay you a lot of money, in some cases too much money, so you can all easily afford to hire people to come in a take care of any issues that come up. Most injuries that require emergency room treatment occur in the home. Do me a favor -- pay someone to do the work. Even you newcomers making the league minimum can afford to hire repair help. And just because your wife hounds you to take care of this or that doesn't mean you have to do the work yourself.
As a result of this concern, I am imposing the following rule, effective immediately: any player who suffers an injury while doing home repair, inside or outside or even on top of your property, may find their contract voided, with no money due. My lawyers have assured me that this is within my rights.
Thank you and good luck in '53!
Regards,
Sonny
Sonny rules with an iron fist
The Monty Brewster Players Association, when asked for comment on the Black Sox policy, issued this statement: "This policy is first and foremost, a complete violation of the collective bargaining agreement with the MBPA. Should Mr. Vitale seek to enforce his brazen policy at any point, rest assured that the team and the league will immediately find themselves in court. The policy, coming in response to Jacob Smiley's tragic accident, is also completely repugnant - and perhaps it should be no surprise coming from someone who many believe had his own father gunned down in order to take control of the team."
Word of the Black Sox policy comes on the heels of the Madison Wolves announcement that that the team has released Smiley just days after the accident so that his salary doesn't count against the cap, before Smiley has even regained consciousness. League critics were aghast, with some noting that Smiley is now likely to lose medical coverage that could last years. "These two actions by the Wolves and the Black Sox show how team owners are devoid of even one ounce of humanity," said Shanda Lear, author of "Brewster's Billions: the Untold Story of Corruption and Mob Influence in the Brewster Baseball Association" (Skyfox Publishing, 2051). "I'm not surprised, but I am truly nauseated."