New Years Eve Revelers Storm Sox Stadium to
Protest Isam and Stuart Trades
GM incurs wrath of furious fans
Chicago, January 1, 2053 -- Thousands of drunken Black Sox fans marked the arrival of 2053 by forming a flash mob on New Year's Eve, storming into Vinnie Vitale Stadium, then staging an hours-long protest of the team's decision to trade away two of its stars, shortstop Badr "Yogi" Isam and ace starter Bernie Stuart.
The fans hung signs mocking GM Mike Dunn and insinuating that he had carnal relations with vermin and rodents. "Dunn is bad for baseball" read one imaginative sign. "GM = Pile of Poop" read another very clever banner. The saddest sign: "We miss you already, Yogi and Bernie!"
Hundreds of police were called in to quell the crowds. A police department spokesman said there were only 12 arrests, most for public urination, defecation or vomiting. "Most of these folks were appropriately fed up with these trades, but that doesn't give them liberty to piss and poop where they please," said the spokesman. After about three hours, those fans who had not passed out eventually streamed out of the stadium and made their way home. The truly inebriated were allowed to sleep in the stands until daylight, when they were ushered out.
Tillie may or may not have led the protest
Investigators believe the flash mob antics were instigated by Tillie Taldowesky, head of the Black Sox fan club 'The Southside Slobs. Whether that rumor true or not, it gives us another reason to include her photo (right).Black Sox officials could not be reached for comment. The sell-off comes in the wake of the team's last place finish in the Hearthland division in 2052. Dunn traded Isam, to Sacramento for a truck full of prospects, most of them arms:
SP Dirk Bessi AAA
SP Carlos Moya AAA
SP Matuha Kalinda AAA
SP Ju-ao Huie R
3B Jeremy Starks ML
SS Henri Charriere ML
Charriere, in turn was quickly flipped to the Charm City Jimmies, getting 19-year old minor league RHP Sergio Rojas and 25-year old 3B Anthony Moretti in return. Moretti is expected to be the Black Sox starting 3B this season unless Dunn, playing with plenty of cap space, lands a free agent.
Stuart was sent to the Boise Spuds, with the Sox getting 20-year old RHP José Rivera, 17-year old 2B Tsu-bahr Hru, and 28-year old LF Cordell Vaughn in return. Vaughn is slated to be the starting right fielder this season, though he also could be flipped for a prospect or two.